Struggling

Thank you Anne you're to kind I only had 3days  before she died it was so fast

Grandkids gone home now feeling down now as my wife would have been out in front kissing and hugging everyone it seems so unreal

It changes everything doesn’t it Newb? All the little things are just as hard as the big things, stuff that was just normal everyday stuff we didn’t even really notice, now we miss it so badly, I miss him just standing in the kitchen and reaching for the kettle and looking at me and saying “tea?” How many times I heard it and never ever thought there would be a time when I would feel sick with longing just to hear that one word from him again. It’s all unreal. I hate it :-( 

Hi orlybird 

You're absolutely right duck, the tiny little things we miss the most. 

I've been to give blood today and been told my iron level is now to low to donate. The huge stress level from bereavement can cause this apparently. I can't give blood for a year now and I've got to see my doctor for a full blood count. There seems to be no good news when we are grieving. 

Here's to, trying to get through tomorrow the best way we can in spite of the inevitable tears. Everyone. 

Yes it’s the little things before we went to bed we would put two cups out ready for the morning one for her tea and one for my coffee. Now there is only one. My son was home today ( he goes back tomorrow ) so I made him dinner , while I was cooking it I cried thinking Winnie should be doing this and I should be helping her. We had lamb chops, I had about 5 mouthful s but I couldn’t taste anything. Didn’t want to eat but for my sons sake I had to force something down. I just can’t mention her name without crying. Sorry rambling now. 

Mike 

Hi Mike

Its better to cry then try to hold your feelings back. 

Its good you had your son arround and you had dinner together. At least its encouraging you to do something. You cooked a nice dinner. We haven't got children and not been cooking since. Cannot find inspiration even though I like cooking. 

Does your son live far? How often can he visit you? 

I had our neighbour visiting me today. Had a cuppa and biscuits. 

I may do a toast and a cup of tea. Then get into my PJ. 

Take care

Andrea

Hi Andrea , yes you are right it encouraged me to cook it I probably won’t cook again until he comes back the next time, I just haven’t got the hart for it. He has gone out now and I was going to go for a walk. But to be honest I just can’t be bothered. You probably know the feeling well.  I live in Ireland but am from the uk. I have two sons in England and this son here about 2 hour drive away. 

It is good you have nice neighbors who come and visit you. I hope your weekend was ok . And enjoy your tea and toast 

Mike. 

Mike, I really feel for you, I know what you're  going through. John brought me a tea and himself a coffee every morning. As he got more incapacitated, and we had a second banister rail put in on the other side of the stairs, he could only carry one mug at a time, so he brought mine then went back for his bless him. But in the last few weeks he couldn't  get downstairs. I get up in the morning now and make my tea, take it upstairs and sit in bed to drink it, like I always dId. And it still really upsets me because even when we were on holiday John made my morning cup of tea. I will never have anyone to do that again.

Anne x

Had a very bad day today. My son was supposed  to be coming next weekend  but hadn't confirmed, and when I asked he said he won't  be coming as he's decided to do some voluntary  overtime at work. Weekends are so hard for me,  and he knows that. I feel like my children don't care. Do they think I've got over John dying, after just 3 months? One of the last things my son said to his Dad was that he would look after me. And he told me he'd be there for me if I needed to talk, but he doesn't  even answer my calls/texts most of the time. And I don't call him often, could understand  it if I was always hassling him! John would be so upset and disappointed that neither of our children are supporting me.

Anne x

Hi Anne. Yes it is those small things that hit us most   A cup of tea ,something they might say the way they would give you a hug. There is so many things it is heartbreaking to think we will never have them again. I read you were together for 40 years, I was 44 years. It’s a long time to be with someone and then one day you are alone. To be honest Anne I still can’t believe it is true. I would give everything for Winnie to walk in the door. As I am sure you would to.

Mike x