Struggling

Hi Mike,

thinking of you and the bank holiday weekend, hope you are ok. I cut the grass yesterday just for something to do, no plans today but I will force myself to do something just so I can feel like there is a point to the day. 

Hope you will let us know if you are struggling and want a chat

Fiona

Hi Newb,

hope you are ok this morning, Sundays are hard since there’s not a lot to do anyway. Have you got any plans today? I’m struggling to get motivated to do anything at all, but i’m going to force myself to get out of the house. 

Here if you need us

Fiona

That's right Fiona

To get motivated is the hardest thing

I have making the bed for two hours now and it's still in a mess

When we have our loved ones next to us nothing seems to be hard. We just get on with things. 

Now even to make a step seems to be a struggle 

I hope we get strenght from our loved ones and the day will go by.

Andrea

Hi Fiona I have grandkids round today and stepson and wife so will be a busy day for a while then back to silence

Hi Fiona yes it’s a hell of a long weekend , I went for a walk yesterday. Don’t know what job to around the house today as they are all done , it’s funny because when Winnie was around I could always find something to do, don’t know why I can’t now. No motivation I suppose. Yes Fiona I am struggling terribly as I expect we all are . 

I hope you enjoy your trip to Dublin and you get some real hugs . I am thinking about going to uk at end of month to see my two son one lives in uxbridge the other in Bracknell so not so far apart. My third son lives in Ireland so that is handy. 

I sent you a friend request as I wanted to PM you about something. Hope you don’t mind. 

Mike 

Hi all does anyone ever feel Angy at there loved one I seem to be having a day sometimes when u often moan at my wife died leaving me I know she didn't want to but can't  seem to help it

Hi Newb,

i’ve never felt angry at Mark because I know without a shadow of a doubt that he absolutely did not want to die, did not want his life to finish, did not want to leave me or his two girls or his step-daughter, he never even got a chance to fight the bastard cancer that ravaged him but he would have fought every inch if he’d had the chance.

i am really really angry at the universe, fate, god, and anything else that I can be angry at though. The unfairness, the waste, the stupidness of a 43 year old man with so many plans and so much joy for life being taken like that, for no bloody reason that makes any sense! That makes me want to scream in anger.

they would never have left us if they had the choice Newb. But anger is a totally normal grief reaction, let it out. 

Fiona

This is a normal part of the grieving process. You go through the complete spectrum of emotions. So don’t worry as you really don’t mean it. This is just grief 

God I can’t stand this wandering around the house on my own. . Just so empty. 

Newb, I have a couple of times ranted at John for leaving me, totally irrational but it's the frustration. I know he never wanted to leave me, he fought the cancer so hard for over 2 years and accepted all the treatments they gave him without complaining, and some were very gruelling. At the end, in the last couple of weeks, he did want to die because he was so ill and weak and he'd had enough. But I know he'd have never left me voluntarily, we loved each other so much and until this horrible cancer happened we were looking forward to growing old together.  I got cross with him sometimes in the last few weeks before he died, because he wouldn't eat, and then he wasn't drinking enough. That was also frustration, and exhaustion, and it was selfish really,  wanting to keep him with me even though he was so ill and just wanted it to end. I so regret now that I got angry, and I wish I'd been more patient,  and kinder. I can't  change anything now but I know he understood that I did my best and none of us can ever be prepared for this hell that we find ourselves in. I'm sure your wife would have understood  too. 

Big hug 

Anne x