Recent loss

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss, it is very early days for you and you will be feeling so many different feelings just at the moment, I am glad you found this group as everyone will understand and hopefully help you through your grief, I lost my wonderful husband on 5th May a year ago, for me it still only feels like yesterday but we are all different and will travel through the grief process in all different ways, please keep talking to people on the sight and hopefully in someways it will help you when you need it, please take care my thoughts are with you x

I thank you for your kind words, I am in such a dark place which is why I have not been in the site. We cremated her 2 weeks ago which is when I finally let my tears out after 15 months of staying strong and over the last week I just can’t stop

i really need help to get through this and don’t know where to turn 

she used to go on the site and talk I wish I could send a message in her group to let them know she has passed

Dear redspicks1407 , I am so sorry you are feeling that way, it is extremely hard I stayed strong for 2years while my husband was ill but like you the tears just fell and I’m afraid to say for me still do quite a bit, never worry how often you use the site we all understand and we are all going through something similar, it is very hard and we all go through grief in different ways, I throw myself into work on the farm and my grandchildren, I still can’t go back to my own job I have tried several times but I’m a career and as I cared for my husband I just can’t seem to get back into it just now, my husband was my sole mate and best friend we were together 30years and the year he passed we were married for 21of those years, talking to people on here has really helped me but it sounds like you may need more than this, have you got a good doctor if so they should put you in touch with someone who can help or you’re local hospice, I no it’s really hard I lost my husband a year ago and still it feels like yesterday, I wish they was more I could say to help, there are sites on here that will put you in touch with professional care please don’t stop talking and take care my angel xx

Well hello, 

thank you for your kind words they of great comfort to me. I have returned to work to immerse myself in not being in an empty house, ironically I teach carers in both homes, domiciliary and clinical settings. Also having a background in oncology didn’t help matters 

I cared for my baby as well at home on my own.

i know it’s early days but I have genuinely lost my soulmate, I feel like half a person. I just feel numb, lost, alone and completely heartbroken but on the outside being strong for her children 

i don’t believe that tine heals I just think you just get used to maybe not seeing them in person  

take care of you too 

Hi I’m glad you have been able to return to work, yes it helps lots keeping busy, i suppose I am lucky that my husband was a farmer and helped his dad and brother run their family farm so for now I have that to keep me busy during the day but oh the nights are so long and hard to deal with, at the moment it’s ok because I can spend hours in my garden but when the winter comes around again that’s when it’s harder, I work as a career in the community it’s such a rewarding job as at least it keeps people in their own home for as long as possible, I really should just bit the bullet and go back but I’m torn between the farm and my own life at the moment, I always tell people who as how I coupe that you never get over loss you live with the grief and move forward in life, I hope you you keep helping others learn how to be the best in care they can because caring is not just a job it’s a vocation god bless and take care of you x oh and my real name is Miranda x

I will always be here for a chat if you want to like you I find the nights so hard and they are my worst times as well as weekends 

my real name is Sarah x 

take care and god bless yes working in the community is rewarding - I have 30 yrs experience in care in all fields but for the last 10 yrs I have been delivering diplomas to carers and student nurses ensuring they do things right 

I will go back to being a carer  one day as I do really miss it x

Hi sarah

im so sorry on the loss of your wife.

i lost my partner end of April. I also know how you  feel numb broken and all the rest.  I’m angry at times also. I jumped on a plane on Saturday for a two week Holiday with friends. Only lasted till yesterday. I just thought I didn’t want to let a friend down it was a big birthday and also just part of me thought I might not feel this pain if I’m away from it all. I might just feel a tiny bit normal again. What a mistake I made couldn’t stop crying was more angrier with myself for even thinking of going away ( the holiday was booked and payed for last year before my partner was diagnosed) I just want to scream and beg someone to either wake me up and tell me i was dreaming or just try and find a tiny bit of piece in my mind. But I can’t my mind is constantly thinking about stuff what other people did or say to my partner and I’m so angry or I’m angry with him. Next minute I’m sobbing and apologising for being angry. I go to bed thinking please let me wake up being a bit of me not this loon. Today I crashed my car nothing serious then spoke with my X husband and he told me he’s seeing a woman I know, I was fuming because I know her. WHAT THE HELLS going on with me just because I know the woman I should be happy for him. I hope tomorrow is a better day for us all. 

Sending you a big hug Jane X 

I think I’m done being angry ... I just sob constantly of a night when I am on my own as that really is the only time I can cry I almost have a shrine next to our bed 

I just feel so completely lost I was her rock and she was mine I just can’t believe she is gone - as she used to say to me this wasn’t part of the plan we had our pipe dream and was going to do it.

i try to take comfort in she is no longer suffering or in pain and yes I am glad about that but damn it hurts like hell that she is not in the bed when I finally do get to sleep 

I have always been the strong one, whatever life throws I deal with it - but I just can’t deal with this

I think I’m done being angry ... I just sob constantly of a night when I am on my own as that really is the only time I can cry I almost have a shrine next to our bed 

I just feel so completely lost I was her rock and she was mine I just can’t believe she is gone - as she used to say to me this wasn’t part of the plan we had our pipe dream and was going to do it.

i try to take comfort in she is no longer suffering or in pain and yes I am glad about that but damn it hurts like hell that she is not in the bed when I finally do get to sleep 

I have always been the strong one, whatever life throws I deal with it - but I just can’t deal with this 

I know what you mean. I was the strong one out of us but don’t have a ounce of my strength now. He always said to me also I’m sorry this wasn’t part of our Plan. Life is so unfair why do gorgeous people have to suffer this horrible disease. X