3 Months on worse than ever

Hi JoJo

I also feel sad with all this new growth and things coming to life. A lovely time of year and as you say no-one to share it with. 

It does make me want to garden, my husband only ever cut the grass and if plants weren't in flower and only green he would put weed killer on them!!!! Much to my annoyance. It now makes me smile.

You need to be kind to yourself it is early days. Things do get easier, different, not better I won't lie, things will make you smile and keep you  moving forward. 

I hope you have family and friends you can rely on and talk to, and of course there is always this site and we know how you are feeling. 

Can I send you a big hug

Dear Jojo  and Ruby Diamond 

These are hard days changing seasons and time moving on. I'm sending my thoughts love and hope that you can find some joy. I know exactly what you mean. Xxx

I am sitting alone in the garden. Whilst acknowledging the beauty, the birds singing etc the sadness is there too. I of course miss Richard x

At this point we would be sitting together and probably spend the rest of evening out here too. We loved the moment when our garden was lit up by candles later at night.

It has been an emotional day today. I thought I was doing okay and then at three months found things very overwhelming and the pain so intense. So much so that I reached out for help with our local hospice.

Saying that (at just over four months) I have moments of lightness now; my yoga teacher tells me to embrace dark and the light, embrace the white and the black. Its part of the process so not being so hard on myself these days.  Grief oscillates and I am just going with the flow....

At times I have felt very lonely although I know a lot of people and am out most of the time. Being out so much is exhausting too, it's almost like I was running away from it. It was still a lonely place to be and I appreciate this forum so much.

With a bit of focus on my garden today I feel thay I am going in the right direction. 

I feel the need (to honour Richard) and I also want to make the garden my little paradise again x

With lots of love & virtual hugs,

Dutsie Xx

Dear Dutsie 

It's always difficult negotiating  the ups and downs the dark and light. The garden sounds a good focus. I know towards the last few weeks my garden meant a lot couldn't go far but was good to step out when I could. I walked a lot yesterday hoping I'd  be exhausted but wasn't.  Today friends and neighbours asked me to spend time which was kind and thoughtful. 

You knew your Richard best and what you feel is right will be xxx take care of yourself

Thank you wifeof26years x

Hope you had a nice day today. I am out with my neighbour tomorrow morning.. Looking to buy more plants/flowers, to add a bit more colour to my garden Xx

You have described exactly how I feel. Missing my wife of 30 years who passed away 10 weeks ago. She loved her garden and our countryside trips to local lakes to watch the birds. Going there without her is hard... 

Feeling your pain. 

Mx 

Dear All

I am so unhappy tonight missing  my darling husband so much. I want to go to the garden centre & buy plants. Ican get a friend  or familyto take me but it's just not the same we used to choose the plants together & plant them together. Spring is lovely & we used to enjoy it so much planning the summer bedding plants but now........ you know what I mean sorry but I am so unhappy tonight just hope I sleep. Spring is a lovely season & then Summer but what's the point ? & after Summer comes Autumn so miserable everything dies off  then cold Winter so very sorry but don't really know how to count my blessings right now. I have a wonderful family but don't feel I have a future anymore. Please someone help me !!!! 

Love to all of you suffering like me so so sorry 

jojo 

Hello jojo,Don’t be Sorry for anything you have a right to feel the way you do.you have lost someone who was very special to you,And you are not alone feeling the way you do,I’m having a rough week myself,Can I ask you how long it is for you?its just over seven months for myself,thought I was doing ok but then wham I can’t stop crying.And like you I have a lovely family but it’s not the same it,I suppose we have different stages to get through, but I can’t think to far ahead,we would have been planning our summer holiday now.Alan was very keen on his garden so he would always be looking at holidays where there was gardens to admire,I really hope you get some sleep tonight and hopefully tomorrow might be a bit better for us.Sorry if I’m waffling on I tend to do that lately, Sending you a virtual hug..Always willing to chat....x

Hi jojo

The journey is a long one, every time I felt more level, done other challenge would come along. I realise now it's the same for everyone. 

It's very early days for you, you'll have some better days and eventually you'll be able to go to places you used to share and smile at the happy memories, sometimes. But not yet  For now, it hurts. Be kind to yourself.

One approach might be to go anyway, know it will hurt, but pick the plants he used to love. Start a new tradition of doing this with a friend, hopefully one who'll let you say his name and talk about him.  You carry him with you now.

Bryony 

Dear Bryony

I like your idea,  hope you can still go Jojo. If not take your friend somewhere else may be it's not the time to feel that way. Hope your friend can give support and comfort. 

I go to places and think of what my husband would have enjoyed, managed to enjoy being out though. 

It's hard as time passes, this grief  is yours individually, ups and downs, good and bad. Remember what your loved one would what for you too xxx