My Husband Died 5 weeks ago - HELP

Thank you for that.  I have spent so much time with my husband over the last few years.  Eight years ago I found that I had a tumour around my spinal cord.  It resulted in me losing  any feeling from the chest downwards.  It was removed and with my husband's encouragement I learnt to walk again.  The tumour returned two years ago and I started again.  My husband, a nurse, has been to every apt with me.  I have a strong network of brilliant friends but it's not the same.I will do it for him but too soon.

Xx

Goodness - how much you have had to deal with, and how extraordinarily strong you must be. You are dealing with so much, not just the grief and loneliness that we all feel but also the loss of someone who was there to support you when you were so ill. I don't have any helpful words but am sending much love. xxx

Thank you.  It's good to talk to someone who understands and lends a listening ear xx

Dear Earlybirdme

My husband also died 5weeks ago - we had been together for 34 years.    My grieving process started the day he was diagnosed  July 2016.     He too spent in his final 5 days in the most wonderful hospice and we we were able to tell each other how much we loved each other. He also told me to get on with my life.    He said that I had to make the most of life.   He said you will feel sad but the sadness will fade.    He was giving me permission to go on.  

I’m returning to work in January.    It will be good for me to have structure to my life. Yes, I miss him very much.    He was a great person.    I’m doing things at my pace when I feel I’m ready. 

Good luck to you.     ❤️

You are a remarkable and courageous person. Love and blessings to you ❤️

Hi Sunshine55,

What l lovely username, sounds so positive! I'm new on here and my husband died 6 weeks ago, we'd been married for 35 years. He had only been diagnosed 9 weeks earlier, so we hadn't had any of the discussions that you'd both had. We thought he had quite a bit more time, initially the oncologist had been quite optimistic that although the the cancer couldn't be cured, it could be managed for a 'few years' (his words).

I know there's no point in keeping thinking it now, but I so wish we'd talked about my future, how to deal with finances, what on earth all the cables are at the back of the telly (!) and just generally some direction for me.

I'm carer for my mum, so I still have that role, but I too need to get some structure back. I'm quite a structured person, so this feeling of being 'all at sea' is really hard for me.

Hope it helps you when you get back to work, I'm sure it will. It's encouraging to read how others are going on, and to know there are others going through the same things.

Hi Sunshine 55

 Sounds like we're on a very similar boat altho mines a lot further into the challenge. 

I too started grieving on the day of diagnosis I just had a feeling the cancer woz very advanced even tho apart from a little discomfort we were just getting on with life only the day  b4  that's why the shock woz so devastating. We'd been together 35 yrs and yes her final week in the amazing hospice duz have some lovely memories with it unbelievablely and some laffs which we caught on camera like wen she basically came out of a coma and sat up and ate some pizza then b4 that she decorated a new Christmas tree in her room  but it woz also heartbreaking and the last three days she wanted to give up the fight and deterioratedo so fast . 

Yu were so lucky to have that conversation with yur husband and him giving yu permission to go on . We told each other our love everyday but she never said wot she wanted me to do so I feel in limbo and guilty about even thinking of getting a life back but at 52 the thort of this life for however long is unthinkable. 

BIGG  SNUGGS 

                     Wonderous. 

Good luck with the return to work Sunshine 55. 

Thank you for your replies.   I don’t think the length “grieving” makes much difference!  It’s the learning to live “differently” that takes some getting used to!  I lived longer with my husband than I did my parents!   So, at 55 it’s very different for me.    In the last 10

Days I’ve dealt with a gas leak, blown electrics and now a leaking bathroom sink.     I have and am being truly tested!!!!    

❤️

Hey on a positive note Sunshine 55

Sounds to me like yur up for a Chufty  he he ! 

Ya got my vote  well done . Wish I cud use imoges. 

BIGG  SNUGGS 

                     Wonderous. 

Hi Sunshine 55,

Well done you! I've had blocked drains, twice! Now sorted. Waiting for gas engineer next week to service heating. It's hard doing these things on your own, but we are doing it, so I guess that's good, and hopefully it will get easier. x