Practical issues - funeral grants etc

Thanks Ros,

I did apply for Bereavement Allowance - they refused it last week, causing me considerable distress as I was relying on it to pay for my husband's funeral.

The allowance depends on NI contributions. This means of course that the poorest bereaved spouses are not entitled to anything.

We relied on means tested disability and carer benefits, he was my carer and received Carers Allowance - the same amount was deducted from our means-tested ESA but we were told he would get Class 1 NI contributions because of the carers allowance. It seems they are worthless as far as bereavement benefits are concerned! I can't find any info about how many years of NI contributions are needed to qualify but he was on carers allowance for about 20 years.

Luckily I have a lovely Macmillan/CAB finance advisor who is helping with all the benefits changes and is appealing the decision for me. She thought I was entitled to it and her colleagues can't understand why I would not be. I assume the monthly bit would probably be taken back from my ESA but the lump sum would have helped with immediate stuff. I had to get rid of furniture to make space for the medical stuff, now I have a folding garden chair instead of an armchair, no towel rail, a disgusting carpet that needs replacing, etc etc (plus I have no carer to  help with the daily stuff) And I need new wheelchairs!

I think it has upset me so much because my husband hated having to ask for financial help and was worried about the funeral costs. I was told about the allowance before he died and I told him that I would be able to pay for his funeral because he'd earned me an allowance. He was worried that my dad would have to pay for everything to avoid me getting into expensive debts. His parents both predeceased him but he has 6 aunts, most of them are infinitely better off than me but none of them has offered to help and he wouldn't want me to ask. He knew my parents would offer though, even if it left them skint. I've paid off the funeral director by delaying other bills and by not repaying the DWP but obviously thats not a long term solution! And I havent repaid my parents for the deposit.

Mystery solved!

Silly me, I was thinking that the Class 1 National Insurance credits paid to carers were equivalent to Class 1 NI contributions paid by employed or self-employed people. 

But No. Bereavement Allowance now depends on paid NI contributions - the ones credited to carers are not counted. Not sure what they do count for exactly. Prior to April the carer credits did count towards the bereavement allowance - in april there were various changes and thats one of them.

So this affects the spouses of carers who pass away before reaching pension age. Obvious targets for Austerity.

Many of these carers, like my husband, would have been looking after their spouse - so the people affected are disabled bereaved spouses, unlikely to have any savings as neither partner has been in work, and who have just lost their carer as well as their spouse. Yes, well, us disabled widows are well known for being scrounging undeserving people.

The other main people affected would be those whose spouse was carer for a disabled child - so widowed single parents of disabled children are the other main target of this change. 

Please can anyone give me a reason why this is in any way ok? It just seems like huge disrespect to carers. We were told that I would be eligible by a CAB advisor and it gave my husband great peace of mind to know that I would have something towards his funeral. At least he never found out they were wrong. (It has been done so sneakily that my Macmillan/CAB finance advisor didnt know)

How much can it even be saving the government, there cant be that many of us surely!?

Hi everyone,

Dealing with the loss alone is devastating but having to fight bureaucracy and worry about paying bills only adds more pressure on top.

I wonder if anyone has the same problem I have and which I intend to fight when I feel stronger.  My husband was in the 

Royal Navy for 25 years and left in 1972.  I met him after he had left and we were together 35 years,  married eight.  They changed the law that marriage after service would be recognised and the widow/widower was entitled to a % of the service pension but from 1978 onwards. . So because my husband left the service in 1972 6 years  before 1978 I am not entitled to any pension from my husbands service.  I think this is unfair . How can they justify this difference to people for 6 years.  This is also no doubt affecting older widows like myself.  Does anyone else have this situation. Luckily I can manage I just feel angry as my husband was under the impression I would be entitled to some of this pebsio  he served 25 years for.

You have to be so aware of changes these days. It was a shock to know they had changed bereavement benefits in April this year.  

Lots of love and hugs to everyone struggling to get through.

Lizzy C

Hi Lizzy.

I had been a carer for my dad for the last ten years till he sadly died in Feb.  By this time I was also caring for my husband, as the cancer was beginning to progress.  Sadly he died in June.  We had gone from a house of 3 to a house of 1 - me.

But because I fall into the government's sliding scale of pensions I don't get my pension till next year.  So I have been living on our savings, apart from the paltry and rather insulting monthly payment of bereavement support allowance. Angry? You bet I am!

I was advised to ring Employment Support to see if I could get any income elsewhere.  The nice lad on the phone gave me completely wrong out of date info, so I am no further forward.  The stupid thing is, I could probably apply for jobs related allowance, but after going to "job clubs" and "job centre interviews" etc., the likelihood of my getting a job is so remote.  They would probably offer me carer jobs, and to be blunt I couldn't face looking after someone else, knowing that my loved ones are gone.

So I am dealing with grief and trying to sort out how to learn to live on next to nothing till I get my pension.  So Lizzy I know just how you feel !!

Mary x

Hello , my dear son died 3 weeks ago. I am looking for a bereaved parents  forum. Is there such thing ??? I would be grateful for a reply . many thanks 

Glory( Trudy )

I'm sorry, I can't help you with your question, but I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry you lost your son.

I do hope someone will be able to help you find the forum you're looking for, I'm they will. I've only recently joined in here, but have found it very helpful and encouraging and I hope you will too. X

Hello Glory, sorry you find yourself here.   There is a group/website called the compassionate friends. I’m not a member personally, however my sister in law is and has found their support invaluable. It may be with a look, take care xx

My heart goes out to you ❤️

Please have a look at these:

https://www.winstonswish.org/

https://childbereavementuk.org/

https://www.childrenwithcancer.org.uk/help-and-support/

Pam, thank you so much for those links, I certainly will look at them. I don't know how I got here myself, but I am so glad I did and found you. I also will continue to visit here , I need all the help I can get . I don't know what I would do without these sites . I had no idea I had such a lot of tears, one would think I have dehydrated by now.

Lots of hugs and good wishes

Glory 

Northernlass, you helped a lot , thank you   helped me find Pam, she has given me lots of  helpful info .

many hugs t you

Glory