Practical issues - funeral grants etc

Hey, I know what you mean about the time these things take, I actually got really nippy with the Funeral Support Payment people as they said it can take up to 6 weeks to come through (it took less than that but I can't quite remember exactly how long, maybe 4 weeks) and the Bereavement Support Payment started about the same time.

I was lucky, although we didn't have plans/insurances to make use of my step-dad was able to give me the funeral director's deposit which they said they couldn't go ahead without, so when the money started coming in it simply helped pay him and clear the rest.

You are right, for anyone who has lost someone after April 7th this year it has changed massively, if I am right (and I may be wrong) the payments used to be a bit less each month but went on for a number of years! now it is only 18 months, it is just typical of the government taking things away from the people who need it most at the most crucial times and leaving so much being paid for that shouldn't be.

I hope you get things through soon and start with things getting sorted.

Take care.

Hi..my husband died in July this year and like you I had to borrow £1200 from my brother as the funeral director needed an interim payment before his funeral could go ahead.

His family offered NOTHING even though I believe that they were in a much better financial position to help out than they let on. 

Marks funeral was £3336 which was the most basic that I could afford. I only had the hearse as another car to follow would’ve bumped it up to over £4000.

Like you we had no savings..no extra money in the bank and when the bill was added up and she told me how much it was my initial reaction was to burst into tears. I can’t lie, it scared the c**p out of me.

Marks funeral was on the 2nd August and exactly 7 days later the final demand for his funeral costs fell on my door mat. During the time between his death and the funeral I had applied for the Bereavement Support Payment but at the time of the bill arrived it still hadn’t been processed. So all I did was email the funeral directors and explained my situation and they gave me more time to pay. 

I got myself into a right state but after speaking to my Mum she made me see sense..they can’t have what you haven’t got Lynn..she said, and she was right. 

Around 2 weeks after the funeral the payment finally came through and I transferred it straight into their bank account..they were VERY understanding and supportive so I’m sure if you contact the firm that arranged your husbands funeral and explain you’re situation then all will be ok.

I know only to well what it’s like to struggle financially, I’m having to go back to work so that I can keep this roof over my head. We don’t own our own home due to lots of financial difficulties when we were first married so I’ve rent to pay now and all the other bills that I took for granted when Mark was alive

It is embarrassing to talk about money worries but it happens to lots of us and I hope like me that you get some financial assistance soon

Take one day at a time..dont expect to much of yourself because that’s what I did and then I almost had a complete break down. 

I know it doesn’t seem like it now but you will get through these dark days and you will find that it starts to decome a little more bearable. It takes time and lots of effort to keep ploughing through each day. It’s a rocky road with many BIG potholes on the way. You will think that you can’t do it but you will. Some how we find the strength to wake up each morning and deal with what life has dealt us. 

I dont want to be a widow but I’ve been given no choice..it’s a hand that’s been dealt to me and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy..

Dont rush head long into day to day stuff..that can wait. Consentrate on dealing with your grief and if it consumes you then let it..it’s the only way to get through it with your sanity intact

Take care

Love to all those who are still finding their feet on what is a HUGE mountain to climb

Lynn xxx 

Well, they were quite quick to reply to the Bereavement Support payment application. It has been refused. Apparently not enough NI contributions. I was told I would get it because my husband was receiving carers allowance for about 20 years which should have given him class 1 NI contributions, maybe thats not long enough.

That letter came today. Yesterday I phoned the funeral director about collecting his ashes and was told that my payment is already overdue. I was relying on the bereavement payment to pay the balance, hoping that the funeral support grant would repay that £1500 I had to borrow. So now I am £2500 short. (By the way, like you Lynn I have not had any support from his family, but to be fair I haven't asked - there are several aunts who are definitely much better off than I am but they haven't offered anything)

I am on means tested disability benefits, and my disabilities are getting worse (not helped by having no carer), work isn't an option. Oh, and I have already had several letters asking for repayment of my husband's benefits that were paid in the week after his death. They keep mentioning that its Public Money and have sent envelopes for me to send a cheque, addressed to Debt Management.

I want to go back to bed and hibernate. But I need to find grants and sell things.

Hey, sorry to hear about them refusing the application.  I don't understand how 20 years of NI contributions aren't enough, maybe raise an appeal with them and demand a fuller answer and more information.

I need to say something else with what you say about the Funeral Support Payment, I had borrowed £1,400 from a family member and hoped that the FSP would be able to pay that off but when it was finished they were only willing to pay the money to the Funeral Directors we used and when I spoke to them they couldn't give me the money back to pay the family member back.  This has left me with an amount to pay to the Funeral Director (a lot smaller than what it was though) and the money to the family member but luckily enough I have spread it out over the next year.  I would recommend you call the FSP people and ask them and explain to them your situation but also call the Funeral Director you used and ask if the money goes to them would they be willing to give it to you as it has left the person you borrowed from struggling (lie or not it might work) and then arrange a payment plan as most of them are happy to spread it out.

Hope I'm not being cheeky asking this but did they pay it for a long time after you husband passed away?  Angela had a payment of PIP and a payment of something else in the week after she passed and I got letters in about both of them (plus other stuff) but I phoned them and got ther same publib money speech but when I said about being unable to pay now or any time soon they said to me the main reason they ask is in case there is some sort of estate/insurances/etc that they can stake a claim from which as far as I know legally they can but if there isn't anything like that they end up writing it off after 6 months.  It might be worth speaking to them and repeating that you won't be able to any time soon.

I don't know anything about grants etc, actually trying to find out myself as struggling by as well, so if you find anything out let me know!

All the best and take care.

Thanks Gary. I emailed the finance advisor who works with the hospice that supported us, and she and her colleagues think I should be entitled so she is trying to get it reviewed. It wouldnt surprise me if it's a new DWP austerity tactic, refusing benefits that should be paid and hoping you won't appeal - they already do it to disabled people so maybe it's extended to bereaved disabled people now.

The last PIP was paid in 9 days after he died.So not very long! The finance lady is trying to help with that too. Thanks for the warning re the funeral payment, I will look into that. Don't want to end up borrowing lots of money that I can't repay.

Today was rubbish. And my toilet broke. Really need a day in bed but also really need to make a load of phone calls and sell stuff. Sorry for moaning xx

When my partner died very suddenly in July,I applied for the berevement fund from the dwp. We were not married ( wedding due 17th August) but after 24 years together, 2 kids, mortgage etc, I was entitled to nothing at all. 

I went into complete meltdown on how to afford a funeral fit for a 44 year old, who didn’t deserve to die 3 weeks after diagnosis and was leading a normal life up till 5 minutes before he died. 

I was very lucky as his parents were over from Spain and offered to pay for it all, even adding stuff that they wanted. 

It has made me very, very angry at the dwp, Simon worked since he was 16, full time and was still working the day he died, yet we counted for nothing at all.

To go though the emotional pain of losing someone so quickly, then to be told you count for nothing by some jumped up teenager on the phone, is sole destroying. 

I am only 43 and have now taken out a funeral plan, bought my plot st cemetery etc so my children aren’t left to sort out for me.

When all these adverts come on selling funeral plans, we sat back and thought “we don’t need this yet”.

 We were very wrong. 

Joshbosh, I am so sorry. You had even less time to prepare than we did. We got married 12 days after my husband was diagnosed, and he died 3 months later. I was amazed to discover that I might be eligible for the bereavement payment due to the 3 months of marriage - whereas the 22 previous years together wouldn't have counted, as you know only too well. It is totally unfair, especially when you have children together. Sadly we didn't.

Like you we were not prepared. We were 47 & 50, we had just started taking notice of those 'over 50's' ads and a friend had started a funeral plan, we had even started talking about making a will (and we were planning to get married this year, just not in such a rush) but we hadn't got around to anything and had no savings, having been reliant on means tested disability benefits for over 2 decades.

As soon as I've finished paying for my husband's funeral and related expenses (still got to decide what to do about his ashes) I intend to start saving for my own funeral, to avoid my family getting a bill. I don't really trust the Plans. Our friend died suddenly a few months ago and his funeral plan did not help as he hadn't been paying in for long enough. Another I looked at pays nothing if you make it to 80! I might go for the cash-in-a-tin-under-the-bed method.

I got a better Brown Envelope today - my funeral payment has been confirmed, so I didn't have to spend the day on hold trying to speak to someone about it :). They will pay it direct to the funeral director, so now the amount I owe them is much less scary (still owe family for the borrowed deposit but they are being very good about it, I don't have to repay all of it) and I am going to use the 'overpayment' for now and worry about that later, maybe repay in instalments. I expected to be asked to return that and wouldn't have been so upset about it if the letter hadn't been so horrible. No need to make you feel like you've stolen from taxpayers or even label the envelope 'debt management'. Maybe I'm being oversensitive. But the effect was to make me think 'b***** them, I'll pay off my other debt first' - particularly with those billionaire tax evaders all over the news last week! 

Hey everyone not been on for a while. It really is taking some getting used to this new way of life that has been thrown on us and its taken its toll.

Ive been suffering from double vision really badly so found doing most day to day things a real challenge and now being a single parent on top well its been rather difficult. Anyways after a trip to the hospital and a prism fitted i can now see. They are just putting it down to stress and hoping it will correct itself in time.

Anyways ive been sat reading this post this morning and i just find it totally baffling after all the stress we have been through money worries get thrown on top. The benefit system in this country is just all wrong! Me and my partner got together straight out of school we almost made it to 18 years before this rotten illness turned our lives upside down. We have a morgage and 2 children. Ive had no help what so ever! Just the normal top up of child tax credits because im trying to keep hold of my job. I used to work 32 hrs a week but have now had to cut down to 18 hrs to keep up with school holidays and the school day. It just feels like your being punished and i think id be better not working but what happens when my children are older and i need a job and nothing to be had!  I see single parents get the same as me but also maintenence off the fathers but sadly my children just have me now and with school uniforms,dinners and bus fairs to school its like another morgage in itself. They dont look at that. Ive worked all my life and never claimed and so had my partner. Its just not right. Im not entitled to the bereavement support as we didnt get married but 18 years solid counts for nothing , how can this be a rule. Marriage to us was just a piece of paper that cost couples thousands of pounds and we just didnt buy into it.Everybody has there own view on it but this was ours.Ive never been a girlie girl and wanted the whole show and my partners thoughts were the same so we invested our money into buying a house instead.

 Having said that now im so lucky ( if that is really the right word)  that my partner was so highly thought of at his employment, but for the help they have given us i would not have survived. They have been amazing sorting out a payout package to help support me and the children and even offering to pay for the funeral which i insisted was my job and luckily was able to do.

I know i dont have the right to moan as a lot dont have this support but its disgusting i have had to rely on them for this. I do feel all your pain. The system does not work at all.

Hope you are all managing as best as you can through this horrible horrible time. We can only do the best we can and im with you all in this fight. 

Life is so cruel

Ive said this so many times 

Hi there auntma

Just been reading this sorry your in this horrible position and money worries don't help either, I would appeal the Bereavement  Support payment decision, but also apply for Bereavement allowance for yourself that's DWP that's for you and you get it for 52 weeks not sure what the criteria is for it now they keep changing the goal posts but it helped me for a year. Just make sure it does not affect your other benefits, and also the Inland Revenue HMRC bless them Class this as income and tagged the amount onto my part time wage, which is a pittance. And I have a lovely tax bill to pay in the New Year. But I would have a word with CAB they gave me a lot of advice and steered me in the right direction and Mac Millan helpline. Good luck!!  and hope you have some better days. 

Take care Ros Xx

PS auntma

They are very quick to ask for PIP or DLA payments back once our loved one has passed only took a week to receive letter. And HMRC are quick of the mark to get I touch too, especially if any tax is owing from previous year. Lucky was able to sort that out, but all this financial stuff takes time still sorting stuff out a couple of years down the line every now and then. I also query everything I get sent, because a couple of times the wrong info has been given. 

Regards Ros Xx