Hello guys and girls,
I am new to the site. Upon looking for help after losing my Mum I've noticed a lack of support groups for people who are around my age, 25, who have lost a parent to cancer. I know there are people in the same boat as me, so i wanted to reach out and find out if any of you guys had found somewhere to go to. There's my local McMillan support group but it's going to be people in their 40s/50s who have lost someone and they are at an different stage in their lives than I.
Would be great to hear from people.
Thanks,
Ben.
Hi Ben,
I also haven't posted on here since this time last year when I lost my mum to brain cancer. I'm 25 as well.
At the time there was some talk about a meet up but I just wasn't in the right frame of mind in the end so don't know if it went ahead.
I'm continuing to find everything very hard and it will be a year on August 11th. None of my friends have lost a parent and so don't like to bring it up, I feel I have to be very careful around them not to mention anything as it makes them uncomfortable . I hate feeling that way.
I feel like I don't want to ever get married or have a family as I cant imagine doing those things without my mum there. The rest of my family are not the closest bunch, just the odd phone call here and there.
Happy to chat here or by email.
Ami
Hi Ben/Ami,
Thank you for posting - you have both said what I still feel a year on. At 26 I am meant to be pushing ahead in my career, starting to think about starting my own little family and socialising but I feel like I'm stuck in limbo.
I've just bought my first home with my boyfriend and this massive life goal (especially in London) now feels so unimportant. It's just another thing that my mum will never see.
x
Hi benjaminH, I'm not in the exact same boat as yours but I do struggle a lot with the loss of my mum even tho it's been a very long time. My mum died in 2001 when I was 8 (I'm 22 now) my dad turned to drink straight after she died an left me and my sister a year later. i only have my sister left in my family as everyone else has died. I have a husband and 2 children but my heart aches for my mum every day. Time is most definitely not a healer but with support and love from others you learn to deal with it a bit better. I don't have any friends and have just signed up to this myself but I want to offer you my ear if you want/need to chat.
Hi,
Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss.
I can relate to what you are saying. My dad died after 6 months living with cancer. He changed so much both mentally and physically.
I'm getting married in about 10 weeks time. I was hoping he could walk me down the aisle and like you if my dad was alive I would have busted him out of the hospice to be there but he was just too poorly and the man upstairs had other plans for him. It hurts so much not only to loose him but knowing he won't be there to see me get married. The only thing I have is his ashes in a ring which I will carry on my flowers on the wedding day.
I'm only 28 and I feel robbed of time and so many memories with him. I hope I make him proud but feel so young to loose a parent. It's vile.
How are you coping at the moment?
I wish I was as brave and as strong as many people on here and I guess it's still raw for me as he only died in March.
Gemma x
So, sorry to hear about you Dad. I lost my mom just last Month, just under 5 weeks after being diagnosed with a very rare cancer. She came home from hospital for just over 2 weeks but she got worse within a matter of hours and taken into hospital via ambulance. She was sedated and given pain relief and we had just 3 more short days with her before she slipped away early hours of the morning with myself and my sister by her side.
Hi Emma,
I completely understand how you are feeling because I'm the same. Although the with me it's about having my dad walk me down the aisle and having a little sob when he looks at me in my dress. It's heartbreaking and I want him there so bad.
Although your mum or my dad won't be there in person on our special day but I'm sure they will be there watching down and raising a glass or two for us. I'm having my dads ashes in my sisters ring on me for when I walk down the aisle, can you do something similar for your big day?
When is your wedding is it soon? Mine is on August 18th.
I can agree that 2016 should be a fantastic year but now I'm ending with mixed emotions of real sadness and happiness but like you said I agree it does feel wrong to celebrate a day without a parent being there by your side.
There has been great support on this website, it's a shame none of the people you speak to on here you actually get to meet in person as so many people on here knows what it's like and knows how I'm feeling more so than friends who have known me forever. Well those friends were not supportive and we are no longer speaking which is hard without support. My fiancé has been brilliant and I'm trying to keep strong for my mum but i still would have liked my friends to be there. Oh well, they are out of my life now.
Gemma x
That's must be so hard as you wouldn't want anyone else to be doing the walk with you.
I am sure they will be raising a glass. I put a wedding invitation into my mom's coffin with her, just so she remembers where she's needs to be . It's made it a bit easier to continue organising things too as I always told her she would be the first person invited. She was the first person I told everything to!
It's a little while after yours 4th November.
It's hard for people to even begin to understand how it feels to lose a parent. It certainly does show you who the real friends are and it's really sad when those you think are true friends seem to turn their back. Suppose this is what leads us to the next chapter of our lives.
I makes me angry to think of the things my mom won't be here for, the wedding, grandchildren, etc. As long as we keep their memory alive they'll always be with us xx
That is such a lovely idea putting an invite in with her. My dad knew when the wedding was as I made sure all the invites went out with his name on it hosting. Even though towards the end he knew he wouldn't make it. But I made sure he saw my venue before he passed away.
I did something similar, I put a pictures of us as a family in with him to take with him and I wrote a lovely poem on the back for him to read.
There will be many memories and moments without them and it's a vile thought but the man upstairs clearly had other plans and the sky gained an extra star that night when he passed. The man upstairs obviously needed another angel and that's what your mum is doing now. She will always be with you and I'm confident of that. Look out for butterfly's on your wedding day also they have been a clear sign for my family in the past of a loved one who couldn't be there showing us that they are near. Keep your eye open.
My friends have been rubbish and I'm 2 bridesmaids down because of the lack of support. I hope your friends have shown you more support than mine have to me.
Gemma x
Hi,
I know this was from a while ago now. But I am a 22 year old student and I lost my dad back in June. I am really really struggling and really just want to find some people of a similar age that have been through something similar.
If since you posted this you have found any online forums or ways to have a 'friend' to talk to, please please let me know.
Thanks,
Debs x
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