Missing mum

Jiji239e95fd, I am sorry to hear about your loss which sounds really tough especially given there was hope with a stem cell transplant while your mum was apparently cancer-free.

It must be very hard indeed to stay afloat under such circumstances and if you read some of the posts from people who write on groups on this forum you will see that many of us have struggled significantly in our different ways with the loss of a loved one.

I have managed my grief by having a good amount of structured time in my week - I continued working and went to adult education classes a couple of times a week and spent time with friends once every fortnight and this meant I was sad at times but not all of the time.

I have always been able to compartmentalise things so this level of activity suited me well but I know other bereaved friends would not have found this to be helpful.  Even so, I often had to force myself to leave the house to do my classes or see friends and acquaintances.  It would have been so much easier to just stay at home.

Some people who I thought would be there for me couldn't (which was and continues to be sad) and others who I knew less well stepped forward.  I am really grateful to those who extended help and support and I tend to accept the help that is offered even when I don't know someone well.  It is comforting to know that there are good people around.

Nevertheless, it is a privilege to be a part of someone's final journey, one of the hardest of journeys and I am sure your mum valued your presence.  I would encourage you to try and keep your mum close to you by doing the things she would have liked and to find some comfort in them.  I make nice meals and dedicate them to my partner and appreciate how much he would have enjoyed them even though he is not here to share them.

Warmest wishes, Christine