My beautiful Mum passed away on Tuesday 12th May, after only receiving her official diagnosis following a biopsy for pancreatic cancer on Monday 27th April. I am devastated beyond words. I feel like I didn’t get a chance to process the cancer news, and now I’m sitting here trying to muster up some energy to get ready to meet the funeral director to plan her funeral today. The last 24 hours of her life were very traumatic as she was delirious, lost the use of her legs, was extremely agitated and couldn’t even recognise me towards the end. I found it so hard to be with her when she was like this as she wasn’t my Mum and I regret this massively. She passed away in our local hospice. Unfortunately, she was with a nurse at the end as like many others, we needed some respite and popped home for a sleep. We were told she wouldn’t last the week but we didn’t think she wouldn’t last 12 hours.
Suppose what I’m looking for is some support, advice, anything that will help lift me a bit. I have been through so many emotions this week; sheer sadness, trying to keep going, pure anger with a full on breakdown yesterday…I am all over the place. I have my Dad who is also finding things difficult and I feel like I can’t be there for him yet. I have such a short fuse at the moment. My husband has been a fantastic support through it all and my brother is also around. I feel really supported with friends and family but I’ve never felt more alone. I just want my Mummy back.
