Hi there,
my lovely auntie passed away 3 years ago from breast cancer and a year later my mum nearly died from kidney failure which we later found out is from multiple myeloma . My nan passed away 2 months ago and I have multiple pet loss in the last 2 years as well. I’m struggling to juggle the different types of grief. My aunt hit me harder than I thought and her husband and my cousins avoid me because I remind them too much of her. Although my amazing mum is still here and fighting, all the treatments has changed her personality slightly and I feel like I’m grieving things like her becoming a grandma and teaching me to be a mum. She is now classed disabled with my dad her carer and it just switched over night. I’m her only child as well. Does anyone have any advice?
I’ve seen my GP and currently on medication for my anxiety and depression but I feel like I haven’t been happy in forever
Hello
I am sorry that you are struggling at the moment to handle all these different types of grief. You have had such a lot to cope with and I do understand how challenging it can all feel.
In my experience grief can be complicated and there is no right or wrong way to feel. I found it a journey of ups and downs and with each experience it could bring back previous emotions. Sometimes it could feel like physical pain, sometimes there was anger, sometimes numbness and sometimes yearning.
I am sorry to hear that your auntie passed away 3 years ago from breast cancer. It must be tough to feel that some of the family are avoiding seeing you because you remind them of her. Perhaps they are trying to manage their own grief in the only way they can at the moment. Maybe in time things may improve.
I am sorry to hear about your nan passing as well. At only 2 months I can imagine things may still feel pretty raw.
I am sorry to hear that you have also experienced the loss of some of your pets as well. I know for me losing a pet can feel really tough. They are part of the family. However much people may say things like they have had a good life, they have reached a good age- it doesn't take away the sadness.
I am sorry that your Mum has also been unwell and has had a diagnosis of multiple myeloma. I don't know whether you have heard of something called anticipatory grief? Although Mum is fighting hard it is a time where you may be thinking ahead to her not being there and the things in the future she will miss. Like you say things like helping you when you have children and not being there to experiencing being a grandparent. These are all very natural things to be thinking about and feeling.
I don't know whether you have heard of Cruse. But I found them helpful and sometimes knowing about the different types and stages of grief can help. Although it does not take away the feelings, it can help explain them and I know it can help understand that these feelings are normal. I will pop a link in case it would help to have a look.
Home - Cruse Bereavement Support
In my experience of grief there are no real answers but it can help to talk to others about how you are feeling. We do have the Support Line available from 8am-8pm daily. They can also have a look to see if there is any support local to you which may help.
You said that you are having support from your GP for you mental health and that is really good. I wonder if there is any counselling or support that may be available at your doctors surgery?
For me grief was very much a journey and sometimes it can help just to go with the flow. Some days felt better than others. Routines helped me. And getting out of the house for short walks. And do keep reaching out on here when you need to.
You have faced an awful lot and we are here to help support you.
Jane
