I lost my mum last month on October 15 th. She would have turned 70 this month. She was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2023 undergoes chemo , whipple surgery. She was cancer free for almost a year and then in August there was a recurrence with metastasis in liver. We started chemotherapy in September and after 3 sessions she had 1 day of fever and just left. I stay very far from her and I was working on that day when I called her in the morning, she told she has lot of weakness, fever. I told her to take rest, make sure to eat and drink, take your medicines. I thought this will pass away and she will be fine next day. Weakness is expected from chemo. Then I got a call she fell in bathroom and then she was slowly losing consciousness and stopped breathing. I cannot forget the video call when I saw her lifeless, feeling helpless that I am not near her. It did not feel real at all maybe it’s a bad dream and I will wake up and she will be there . My mom was full with positive energy, she has faced her disease bravely, she was not scared with all the treatments and was the driving force for the whole family. I remember her consoling me for not losing heart and accepting things as destined by God.
it was all so sudden, she was fine the day before, we were sharing recipes of high protein diets and looking forward to complete the chemo cycles and then I she will visit me. I always thought that there will be time to say goodbye. I dint know that call will be our last call. I broke down completely. I travelled 8 hours of flight crying. I was heartbroken that I was not with her on her last day , didn’t even realise the day will come so quickly.
The house was filled with people and still felt empty. I don’t know I will ever find peace or feel happy. Everything feels so different. I get up in the morning and the first thing I want to do is call her. I hope God give me strength and make me positive and brave like my mum.
My father is also suffering from end stage disease of liver cancer and I am just so scared to leave him and go for work now. I am scared for another phone call. I am staying with him and taking care of him.
i hope my mom is in better place , not in pain , not in suffering and finally in peace . I miss her a lot
