i lost my best friend nearly two years ago now and it still hurts as much as it did then. she was so wonderful and it made me spiral into thinking why would it happen to her, like when i say she was literally an angel on earth i mean it. it was especially hard for me as our friend group shut me out so ive never really opened up about how it made me feel. i felt so angry for ages then just numb and sad, she was actually my everything and i tried doing stuff and living my life in a way that i thought would make her proud but now im just back to being lost.
I feel you with your anger. It can be so infuriating trying to understand the loss of such a good person. I lost my dad almost 3 years ago, and much like your best friend, he was the sweetest, kindest soul. You’re not wrong to feel angry. It is not fair. Life can be so cruel, but one thing that has helped me is understanding how strong that hurt, pain or anger is, is only a reflection of how strong the love is.
in regards to feeling like you’re being shut out of your group, I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with that. Feeling shut out is an awful feeling, pairing that with such a major loss must be so hard. There is always someone who can support you, even if it’s not the people you’d expect it from the most. Close family members? Other friends? Even support groups like this one here. You’re not alone and you will get through this 
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feel free to pop me a message when you feel you need to chat, sending big hugs!!
