I visited my dad‘s grave today and put on flowers. 
My mum is interred there too. My dad died of awful oesophageal cancer two years ago today. I hoped that the sadness I experience every day would have lessened a little in two years. But I still feel as sad as the day he died sometimes. I keep thinking of what he went through. And I just can’t control my crying and sobbing at times. My mum died last year, having caught a nasty tummy bug in hospital. And her care was appalling in hospital. So her death and the six weeks before was really traumatic as well. I still can’t believe they’ve both gone, even though they had long lives at 89 and 87. But their age doesn’t matter. They were my mum and dad and now they are gone. It was surreal looking at the grave today. I haven’t been able to go for about six months. It’s quite a long way away from home. I so miss my mum and dad that it hurts my heart and chest. Is time really a healer?
I still can’t believe they’ve both gone, even though they had long lives at 89 and 87. But their age doesn’t matter. They were my mum and dad
Hi Franniefanakapan,
Thanks for sharing that so honestly. I'm really sorry to hear about how raw your loss still feels. I hope you will be kind to yourself about this, though. Two years is not such a long time ago, especially when compared to the length of time you had your parents in your life. You're exactly right about how age doesn't matter, too. You will always love and miss your mum and dad, and it's absolutely ok to feel that sense of loss strongly.
From my personal experience, I have found it true that time is a healer when it comes to losing people you love. The important thing to understand is that the 'healing' doesn't diminish your love for the people you lose, nor will the feeling of missing them strongly from time to time completely vanish. What time tends to do is slowly and surely evaporate the raw pain associated with that loss.
Over time, what we're left with is a concentration of the good memories. Memories of the joyful days, and of course memories of the more boring moments life is made of. This eventually makes the thoughts of loss much smaller in comparison.
It does take time. Time and patience with yourself. In the meantime, you have this wonderful community of people to share your feelings with, and you can always talk to our Macmillan Support Line staff whenever you need advice, or just a friendly ear to tell someone how you're feeling.
Wishing you peace and comfort, Frannie.
All the best,
Matthew
Macmillan Online Community Team
