Hi all,
I’m new here.
My dad died at Christmas. He was 73, I’m 41 with young kids and it feels like the bottom has fallen out my world.
I am hoping to access some counselling soon. I think in particular I’m struggling with the trauma of his final few days / weeks / months. There’s also the shock of it (although he was ill), the fact I feel like let down by the doctors, the anger at him missing out on seeing my kids growing up…the list is endless.
However, this post isn’t about him.
A few weeks ago I found out by chance that an old boyfriend of mine died. We went out, briefly, 20 years ago and I don’t think about him much. I don’t know how he died, but I know it was a “long illness” which is very sad.
I didn’t know his family, and we have no mutual friends, so nobody to speak to or share commiserations with.
Anyway, I’ve basically become consumed by thoughts of him. I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m happily married but keep thinking “what if?”
I was 21 when we went out and I met my now husband at 22. So I don’t know if I am somehow mourning “my youth”? Or, if my brain has latched onto this as a way to distract from thinking about my dad 24/7?
I was thinking about my dad 24/7. And now I’m not.
And I’m wondering if this is my brain trying to protect itself, by giving it a break from the thoughts of my dad?
I also worry about it being a delaying tactic, and one day I’m going to stop thinking about this ex boyfriend and thoughts of my dad will come whooshing back and completely overwhelm me.
I was off work for two months when dad died. I’m 5 months down the line now, back at work, and doing ok (more or less. Although life will never be the same).
I am out walking a lot which was a time I would always call my dad, or pop into see him. After he died, this was the hardest time for me and the thoughts and the grief was just overwhelming (I’m not a fan of listening to podcasts or music or anything.)
Now though, the thoughts are of the ex boyfriend. And whilst it’s sad, it’s obviously not on the same scale as my dad, so I’m not crying constantly.
There is also an aspect of limerence to it, and wondering how my life would have panned out if I had married him, which is confusing, and also, totally pointless.
Just wondering if anybody has experienced anything like this?
My gut feeling is that it’s something my brain is doing to protect itself, as it’s been 5 months of thinking of my dad 24/7, but I don’t know if it’s harmless or something I need to worry about? (I.e. covering up by grief instead of worming through it).
Any thoughts much appreciated,
Kx
