I lost my mum to metastasized breast cancer on the 3rd of December 2023. A little bit of context. She had battled it for 6 years. I didn’t get to say goodbye, she passed away 3 hours before I landed. I live in the UK and she lived in SA and I was traveling back to say goodbye but I missed her. It’s always been my mum and I, my dad left when I was 5 and I don’t have any brothers or sisters. I also don’t have any living grandparents left. I am sad. I really miss her.
The issue: my husband doesn’t understand what I am going through. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge that this massive life event has happened to me. Don’t get me wrong he isn’t mean or cruel but some of his comments when I don’t feel like exercising or being social make me think he isn’t acknowledging how I am feeling even though I have told him. I am extremely sad and I miss her so much it physically hurts. I have started having panic attacks which I have never had before which I have told him. I am struggling to find joy in the things I used to like. On the face of it I am ok. I am back at work (although I am not at my best which causes its own anxiety), I get out of bed every day, I am trying to exercise, we are moving forward with renovation plans etc. However, I feel like I am just surviving and that my cup is extremely full, almost overflowing. I often have a quick cry when talking about my mum and I am dreading upcoming Mothers Day and her birthday.
He isn’t very emotional and I don’t think he has experienced a loss like this in his life. How do I make him understand what I am going through?
Hello liquidf1 I am so sorry that your post has gone unanswered and also for the loss of your mum - it's a difficult time and it does take a long while for you to fully recover from the loss - it took me almost a year. As humans we are all different and your husband is no doubt confused as to how to react in these trying times. May I make a few suggestions for some extra help:
* Contact Cruse Bereavement Care This is a national charity for supporting bereaved people - 0808 808 1677 or www.cruse.org.uk (if you are in Scotland 0845 600 2227 or wwwcrusescotland.org.uk)
* At a Loss - This is a directory of bereavement services and is at www.ataloss.org.uk
* Give our support line a call on 0808 808 00 00 (8am to 8pm 7 days a week) You will find someone there who can give you that extra support you need at a trying time like this.
I hope this helps - if I can do anything else for you please let me know.
Kind Regards - Brian.
Macmillan Support Line - 0808 808 00 00, 7 days a week between 8am-8pm
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