First Christmas without my mom

Hi BeccaD welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry to hear how you are feeling. That said im not surprised that you feel like that, especially  at this time of year when family becomes the focus of all our attentions and that then puts us in a real difficult position, when members of our families are no longer here.

I remember well the first year my mum died and that Xmas as she also loved Xmas and we all gathered at her house for Xmas dinner. She also insisted on buying crackers every year. I remember me buying the crackers that first year and being overwhelmed with Grief and standing crying in the shop. It is going to take time to process your great loss and thats ok it is  allowed. 

Thinking of you and sending some huge big hugs your way for now. xxx

Hello again Becca, I'm so sorry, but not surprised, things are really hard, especially, as granny59 says, it's Christmas and a time for family and a big part of the family is no longer there. I wish there was something i could say to make things better but i can't, what i can say is most people on here have lost one or both parents, and remember how difficult it was and over time we managed to live with the loss. Becca i hope counselling and your meeting with the head teacher helps, please take care, Eddie

Thanks both.

Work is pretty rubbish at the moment, but I have 2 weeks off. The meeting was just a tick box and not helpful at all. I just have to go back to my full hours and crack on. I have a plan to change my role a bit which will help, but I need to have it approved. 

i can’t make any big life decisions at the moment as in all honesty I could chuck in my job and hideaway right now. 

just got to get through tomorrow. 

Hi Becca. i hope you get approval regarding work changes, they owe you that, hope your two weeks off helps, Eddie

I feel like I have relived the day my mom died today’s it has been so hard. I cried myself to sleep last night and sobbed today. My eyes are sore from crying. I am never going to get over this. 

Morning Becca, Christmas day really affects your emotions, which is great when you are in a happy place, but what i remember and you are finding, when your emotions are grief, sadness and loss it makes them more unbearable, especially on Christmas day. So hopefully today things won't seem so bad, Becca i found going for a walk really helped me emotionally, and still to this day when my emotions are getting too much i go walking. please take care, Eddie

I have cried so much this week. I feel like I am reliving the day she died all over again, reality has hit. But yeah I have got through it. But I don’t just want to get through it. I feel every emotion, I was doing ok today and I have come to bed and started to sob. I don’t get to take my mom into 2024, I don’t want to leave 2023. She lived for 3/4 of this year. I miss her so much it hurts. 

Morning Becca, My first Christmas without mum, who we lost 9 months earlier, was very emotional too, so we decided to celebrate mum instead, remembering all the good times we had and the, support, advice and love we received and what she would want us to do with our lives, and we all cried many times and we promised each other to make the most of our time as mum would want us to. Becca it took me a lot more than four months to stop grieving, and like you i had  some horrible memories to deal with, but i also had 45 years of happy memories, which helped to keep the dark ones away. Becca i have terminal cancer and don't have much time left and it would break my heart to think my kids would struggle as much as you are when i'm gone, and i sure your mum would feel the same, take care, Eddie

I too feel the same. My dad died in August. I don’t want to feel I’m leaving him behind or beginning to forget him. I miss him a lot today. So does mum. I don’t know how to make her feel better.