My wife of 46years died last week

Hi Bradford52 and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is a supportive place to be.

I'm so sorry to read that your wife has recently died from cancer and, whilst I haven't been in the same position as you, I can imagine how hard it would be if I lost my husband.

As you know, the online community is divided into different support forums so I hope you don't mind me suggesting that you join the bereaved spouses and partners forum as you'll then connect directly with others like yourself.

If you'd like to join the group, just click on the link I've created and, once you've joined the forum, you can start a new post in the same way as you did here and join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

Sending virtual ((hugs))

Hi Bradford 52

I am so sorry to hear your news. My wife also died last week. We had been married for 45 years. The tumour she had was very aggressive and it was all over in under four months. The speed was astonishing but at least she never had any pain and was perfectly calm and serene about the diagnosis. I now seem to be living in an unreal world and just limp on from one day to the next. My family, also, live along way way, but they have been a tremendous source of support. There are no words or thoughts I can offer to ease  the pain, but I am thinking about you and your wife. 

Thank you it’s not easy isn’t it im feeling very alone it’s been over a month since she passed but it seems like years already  can’t see how I’m going to carry on with out her

I know, I’m feeling just the same way. Every morning I don’t want to get out of bed or carry on and it all seems like an unreal nightmare. I am afraid of the funeral, in a few days time. Nothing anyone can say can ease the pain, but it may help just a little to know that others are going through the same. In any 24 hour period I go through all the various stages of grief, and then the same things happens the next day and the next day et cetera. My very best wishes to you and your family at this awful time. 

I recently joined way up you might find it useful www.way-up.co.uk 

Many thanks

Hi Bradford!

I am where you are just now although I am a little further down the line from you. Tomorrow will be 6 months to the day that I lost my husband to bowel cancer in June this year after an almost 2 year battle. The ironic thing was he went into remission after January 2022 after they cut his tumour out and more or less said they got it all. I too am quite bitter in some respects because when he went for his post op appointment with his oncologist I asked should he not be receiving some kind of post op chemo just to possibly get rid of any nasties that may still be lurking there that may have go missed. His reply to me was that they got it all and if not necessary they do not do that. Fast forward to May 2022 when he had an appointment with his surgeon who performed his operation. She did blood tests with him and we went away thinking no more about it. A few weeks later we received a letter that showed his CEA markers had increased- slightly! and they wanted him to go for a CT scan and this unfortunately showed the cancer was back so there may indeed may have been cells there that got missed and I feel very bitter at that that his oncologist wouldn't even consider giving him extra chemo sessions at the time I asked. So he then had to endure more sessions of chemo which made him quite ill and eventually had to be withdrawn completely because it caused kidney damage. He had to be admitted to hospital two days after Christmas last year because of low kidney function and was kept in over the newy ear holiday our first new year apart in 39 years little did I know then we would never bring in another new year together. So at the beginning of this year it was a sucession of hospital admissions because they stopped his chemo, they could not find any other routes to go down so he was more or less on borrowed time and just put on pain management only. He endured 4 bouts of sepsis and it was his 4th one along with his advancing cancer which finally took him in June this ear. He was admitted on June 1st and finally passed away on the evening of Friday 23rd June this year. 

I too have lost my best friend and soulmate of 40 years. You will go on without her Bradford. Admittedly I am still finding my way but I have discovered myself doing things over the last 6 months that I never thought I could things maybe my husband used to take charge of and amazed myself that I actually did it. But it doesn't really compensate for the emptiness I feel just now and especially at this time of year in the run up to Christmas. He was never one for Christmas always a bit of a `bah humbug` type but mellowed slightly when our little grandaughter was born 2 years ago. Like you I have son who lives with his partner and my little granddaughter not far from me. They have their own lives to live though with work etc. I also have an older sister who has mental health and learning difficulties. She too had a bowel cancer operation a few months ago but unlike my husband she is expected to make a full recovery so its sort of bittersweet for me that she is still here but my husband isn't. My best wishes to you moving forward with this. Take Care.

x

Hi Bradford

I too lost my soulmate of 40 years recently and it was quick. So much of what you said was similar. My wife was diagnosed with bowel cancer via an endoscopy last June. She passed away on 2nd November aged 57. 

I have a son and daughter both in their 30s with kids and they've been great . Helped me with the funeral etc but no one knows how hard and lost you feel when your alone.

I don't know how I will carry on without her I keep begging her to show me she's still with me. I share your pain I really do. It's all consuming and awful.

Please take care  hopefully one day it will be our turn and they will be waiting for us.