I miss my mom so much

Hi, thank you. It is such a difficult time. It will

Be 1 year on 30th August. I still feel like I am in denial. I feel angry. I am currently living at my dad’s as he had a knee replacement this week. I just keep feeling my mom should be here looking after him. 

My MIL has been i hospital for a month since she had a fall and her cancer has progressed and is now end of life. I just can’t believe this is happening again.

my head is just all over the place. sorry yiy are going through so much. 

1. I lost my mam this morning . She was terminally - lung cancer .Was given approximately until Christmas. Seven weeks it has been since diagnosis. We had such a lovely day yesterday- talked non stop , she was feeling positive. Her feet was very swollen - and she was afraid as when I helped to the toilet her feel felt numb , we had made plans for today . She said last night when I was massaging her feet - “I don’t want to die tonight “ no course you not . I left her house as my brother and dad was there , told her I will see him in the morning about 9.At 6.55am my daughter was hysterical on the phone “ nanny has passed “I ran to my mum house . My brother who’s nearly 60, was howling outside - “ it’s not good in there “ I have thought of every scenario possible for this day - the whole image of my lovely mam was not this . She has emerged there was clots of blood in her hair , mouth, nails , hands , legs - she was upright slumped over .i will never ever forget this image . My poor dad married for 60 years he is totally lost - I am absolutely heartbroken. I know I’ve been so lucky to have had her 55 years of my life I just wanted her a little bit longer . I don’t as family will ever recover from this .

I am so sorry for your loss. Such a shock for you. Just take things one step at a time, go with how you feel. Talk to people about your mom when but can, all the memories you have. 

I truly know how hard it is right now.. I am reliving the trauma of seeing my mom die and how she was. Definitely have some bereavement counselling when you feel ready.