My mum died of lung cancer 7 weeks ago and I am heartbroken. I’m teary all the time and can’t sleep at night as I’m reliving her last 2 days before she died when I nursed her at home.
Hi, I’m so sorry to hear you are struggling with the images and thoughts of the last few days. I’m certainly no expert, I lost my mum less than 4 weeks ago and I thought I would be haunted by the terrible last few weeks. It’s helped me to look back at photos and remember some of the good old times, I have tried to talk about our childhood to lots of people too so I can remember some nice things and holidays we went on.
Reach out for help with friends, family, forums or the help lines, don’t try to do this alone it’s really the hardest thing to have to cope with xxx
Some time has passed for me now and I did do as you suggested by looking at old photos and just talking about my mum. The images are still there but I do not feel so haunted by them now.
Also like you I am left worrying about my dad as they were married 53 years. I have become really anxious about him and am spending a great deal of my time with him. I’m now starting to draw back a bit to prepare both of us for the time I return to work. It’s difficult to find a balance between giving him time alone to grieve and him not feeling abandoned. I’m so lucky in that regard as my dad has good neighbours who are keeping an eye on him.
The best thing you can do for your mum now is concentrate on her funeral and giving her the send off she deserves. It’s good that you have come on here while you were still caring for your mum at home. I felt I coped ok while caring for my mum at home then preparing for her funeral. It was after the funeral with nothing to focus on that I crashed badly when I was on my own. It was then I sought out support and found this forum which has really helped me.
I hope both you and your dad are doing ok in a time when everything is still so surreal. I am shocked that I still have little moments when I forget my mum has gone and that realisation again sets me back crying again.
Thanks for replying, I hope you have time to relax over the weekend. I’m finding it so hard to process my feelings at the moment, we had the funeral this week so I think I need some time by myself to think about it all, I started to write a journal each night too
After the funeral it’s like……so what now! I really feel for you, worst time ever……..
I have spent the day painting my dads fence, thought was if I’m with him may as well be productive about it, me and my big mouth it’s like the fence is never ending now. Don’t do anything rash and put yourself forward like I stupidly did.
on a serious note just take care of yourself. If you need to chat just send a wee message.
Just lost my husband of 40 years to bowel cancer 8 weeks ago and yes it is very painful just now and I get how you are feeling. I still find it so unreal that he is not here anymore. We were each other's `rock` things I couldn't do he helped me with and vice versa. I'm just trying my best just now to make it through each day and its like just being on autopilot or walking through a fog not actually knowing where or why you are going anywhere. Yes everyone `is there for you` up until the funeral and then after its as though you are left and they have all went back to their normal lives and all of a sudden the phone stops ringing etc and you feel as though you are left to get on with things on your own. It's good to just have somewhere like this to come to when you feel really down and people can relate to what you are going through. My best wishes to you all going through this horrible time
thank you for your reply. Having only lost your partner 8 weeks ago it is so very raw for you still. One day at a time is the only way to function.
I can’t imagine how my dad is feeling having lost his partner since he was 21 years old, he is 76 now. I am heartbroken over the loss of my mum and I don’t think that will ever change for me. Myself my husband and my brother are trying to spend quality time with my dad and I hope you have family also who will do this for you.
my dad has said several times it’s at night that he really feels it most, he’s never been one for the TV and I think he’s just finding anything to watch to pass the night before going to bed.
it’s really a horrible situation to be in that is completely out with your control. I have also found these forums to be really helpful as you just can’t understand how it feels until it affects you direct.
keep just taking it one day at a time and know you are not alone in how you are feeling.
