Lost my mum to cancer Aged 53.

Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum, especially at such a young age. My heart goes out to you. 

I understand some of what you’re feeling as I lost my own mum at the end of March after a very late cancer diagnosis. I didn’t ever think I would be able to carry on without my mum as we lived together and did everything together, but somehow I’m still here. I have found just taking one day at a time has helped and not looking too far ahead at the moment. Also, I have found online forums such as this one to be a real lifeline as it enables us to connect with others who have been through similar trauma.

You sound as though you are really struggling, do you think counselling may help you? I haven’t accessed any counselling as yet, but I do intend to in order to help me try to process my grief. The loss of our mums is horrendous and overwhelming and I doubt very much you know anyone personally that has been through the same loss.

I hope you have a supportive circle of family and friends to help you through, don’t be afraid to talk about your mum, you need to speak about her even if it makes others feel slightly uncomfortable. You are deep in grief and need all the support you can get. 

Sending you lots of love, message anytime x 

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry about your loss too  i think counselling is needed but just unsure where to start. Luckily i’ve got amazing friends and family but obviously they are grieving too. I just feel lost without her

Hi Del1990

i can sympathise with how you are feeling.  I too lost my mum to Lung Cancer in May this year after her diagnosis at beg of April while in hospital for something else.  I cared for my mum for the 3 weeks before she died at home and like you am feeling lost and completely heartbroken.

I coped ok until after the funeral and then crashed quite badly with nothing left to focus on.  I couldn’t sleep, still can’t without sleeping pills from my GP due to images in my head of her last 2 days and just that surreal feeling of not wanting to believe she’s gone.

im taking it day by day and I’m now starting to think about going back to work, if I can get some kind of normal sleep pattern again.

ive been talking about my mum a lot with my brother, dad and husband trying to remember happier times with my mum.  The awful images are still there but I don’t feel just as haunted now.

Mums play such an important role in our lives, mine was my best pal, confidante and biggest supporter.  I am hoping that with time it will get easier to cope day to day and my anxiety about how my dad will cope after being with my mum 53 years will lessen.

These forums have really helped me just by knowing there is other people out there feeling the same as me and I’m not some kind of basket case who just can’t move by this.  I’ve made an appointment for a tattoo on my wrist which will be something I carry with me for the rest of my life in memory of my mum.   

I hope you too have found your own way of coping and just letting all your feelings out.   

Julie

Hi Del1990, I’m so sorry for your loss, I too lost my mum recently at the end of June. It’s so hard trying to live each day without her, my mind seems to be so busy with thoughts that I’m finding it hard to concentrate. I feel way too young to be going through this at 40, hopefully we can all support each other through the struggles by messaging here and talking to people who recognise how you feel. I’m sorry I don’t have much advice as it’s all so new to me but reading online can hopefully help us process things, sending a big hug x