How to move forward

Hi darling34

i can’t say I’m with you a 100% as I’m not… I know this is harder for you. Losing my dad I have now realised was the only real family member I had and I’ve lost him. The rest can just go away. I feel really sad.. angry..lost.. mad. I’ve cried all night tonight.. I miss him so much… this would all not be happening if he was here.. to me being constantly told “he’s not here.. get over it” I think I get how you feel somewhat.. I’m just lost. I miss my dad.. I want to call him so badly. I’m on my own.. none of the siblings care (I’m done with them). I keep thinking about his death.. whether he was in pain.. I’ve googled it all (stupid I know) I don’t know what answers I’m looking for? As if it wasn’t bad enough. Feel like I need to know he was “ok” at the end. I’m traumatised. I’m left with horrific memories of my dad.. one’s I want to erase! I feel sick when I think about them… no wonder he didn’t want me visiting. I’m considering seeking some therapy as I don’t want to remember him like that. I just want these his laugh.. his voice.. he would say “take no notice.. don’t let them bother you”. God I so wish he was here. 

im sending you so much love. I can’t advise in anyway.. you have been through way more than more than me…. Yet you’re here to tell the tale (if you know what I mean) Darling 34 I know your mum would want you to be happy and carry on? Same as my dad would for me..I know that’s really hard as I feel now.. but what option Do we have. I’m so sorry you feel like this (we get sick of people saying sorry) I can’t help in any other way but I really wish you well as I’m sure your mom would too .. sending massive  hugs xxx

Hey. I feel exactly like u I to have started wondering are they ok were they ok when they left. I feel traumatised to and sick all the time it's like there are two parts for me the grief of losing her and the absolute disbelief of what I have just witnessed and been through it's been 1 week today it's been the first 7 days in my whole life I have seen or spoken to her. I know everything has changed and I know it will get easier I just feel like iv been in pain the longest time I'm not sure I remember how I live not in pain any more but everyone else is just carrying on with life I feel like I'm the only one not able to do that and it hasn't even been the funeral yet. We will carry on and we will get through this I know that it's just surviving the time to get there. Thank you for responding to me was having a shitty time yesterday not much better today if I'm honest but not as bad as yesterday. Sending u lots of love and cuddles xxx

Hey darling34 I totally get it. I think what I’m struggling with is what life was like before this terrible ride. I genuinely don’t remember what I used to do.. it’s like my memory before all this has been erased, or I’m conditioned to calling professionals and having that constant anxiety about Dad. I don’t know how to fill my time up or what to do! I also am wishing I could just speak to him.

its so strange.. I go from accepting it and believing it to then having an all in the face and feeling like it’s not real and it’s all been a bad dream and bursting into tears. I walk my dogs and just cry.. nobody really sees or takes any notice which is a good thing. I think being outdoors helps. I’m not sure why but when Dad was poorly I had a urge to just be outdoors and be so grateful for that.. I knew he couldn’t, he wished he could and he was devastated about that. 

I have just signed up for some counselling (hoping it will help me), something has to help me. There really isn’t anything I can advise, just know that people are feeling your pain and totally understand it. Don’t rush to be putting yourself back into work and normal like.. it’s a personal journey and it takes however long it takes. Really try and look after yourself as best you can.. your mum would want that for sure xx

always here if you need a chat x

Hey, yes being out doors does help getting some fresh air even when u don't want to.i called into work today only for a few hours it was lovely to take my mind of it for five minutes. I to signed up for some counselling through the palliative care team hopefully just to speak about my journey and help process it more it cant do any harm I have never been very good staying in the house doing nothing I always been better keeping busy so as much as I don't really want to carry on normal I will probably go back to work sooner than later for the distraction. Thank you it's comforting to know I'm not actually alone but heart breaking that someone else is actually going through this awful journey it isn't fare and far far to many people have cancer I feel like we rushed to get a vaccine for COVID that was killing thousands yet cancer is killing thousands every day and we haven't got any cure for them 

Hi hope you dont mind me joining in ive lost my partner a week ago and im utterley devastated .I can relate to how you are both feeling .I lost my mum when i was 19 my father at 38 no.siblings so can relate time does heal though and you learn to live again and remember more the good memories .Now im in on this sad journey again .He was only 68 my soul mate died of lung cancer and for me the longing to speak to him see him is unbearable ..Hope we can find some support and comfort here love faithful xxx

Hi darling34,

ah as hard as that would have been calling in work.. the distraction helped for a short while. Keep going and try to keep busy. We are in this together.. sending a hug xxx

Hi faithful. Ah welcome..we are all in this awful ride together. Sorry you are going through this. .. it’s so cruel when someone is young.. my dad was 69. The longing to speak to them or see them is awful. You have been through a lot. I’m sending a massive hug xxx we are here for you xx

• Thankyou louise means a lot xx

Hi faithful, I am so sorry you lost your parents and nope he wasn't old at all being robbed of the chance to grow old is awful. I lost my mum a week ago today so like you it's still very new and raw it's a awful thing to have to go through there really is no words that can ever describe just how awful it is. I'm sending you lots of love and support and im always here for a chat or a winge and scream xxx

Thankyou Darling I wish none of us were here but so glad we can support each other sending you and louise a big hug xxx