The First Christmas

I understand. I lost my dad 3 weeks ago. The day of his 60th was when we could visit in the funeral parlour and his wake was on my birthday. We've had quite a few firsts. This will be my sons first Christmas. He's 11 months old. I haven't been able to put up a tree. I've managed some fairylights in the house but my heart isn't in it. Christmas was dad. 

Hi. It’s a tough one. I lost my mum in February to kidney cancer and we’ve had a lot of firsts so it has been tough. Not sure how Christmas is going to feel this year. My wife and I have a 3yr old daughter so I’m excited for her, but not seeing mum this year is going to be difficult. She loved Christmas too and it’ll be hard not having our Christmas morning chat. 
Although upsetting I’m going to try and remember all the great Christmas’ we had and maybe raise a glass to the greatest woman I knew

Yes, our last normal meal was Christmas Eve last year. A lovely evening.  Her Facebook page wishes everyone a happy and healthy 2022. On Christmas Day I contacted Mum to say I felt guilty not being there and she said not to worry, she didn't feel well. That was the start of what turned out to be stage 4 bowel cancer and we lost her in May.

Hi All,

I am sorry for all of your losses.

It will be a very hard time for all, I hope you find the strength from your Mum/Dad to see the day through, that’s what I’m going with and to put on a brave face for my children, they miss him terribly also and I know their Christmas will be different.

I look at photos of him all the time and say to myself “I can’t believe you are not here” some days I feel like I saw him yesterday and some days I feel like I haven’t seen him in so long. We are 10 months in and no day gets easier, I miss him so much. 

I will be thinking of everyone on Christmas Day, sending you all hugs 

xx 

Dreading it last Christmas my dad was in hospital and I only got to see him very briefly because covid outbreak at hospital and nobody else was allowed to visit  - year before I followed covid rules and only saw him briefly in garden … oh how i wish I had broken the rules like so many did 

I feel I can’t grieve as I’m having to support my elderly mother through her grief on tthe death of her husband and death of het son two years earlier 

Thank you for adding this here. It's good to know I'm not alone. My Dad was recently diagnosed with a very rare sarcomatoid carcinoma of the prostate and he has only been given a few months to live. Although he is still technically with us, I feel that this is already the first Christmas I am having without him. He is in so much pain that he can only lie down, he can't sit up or stand and he's on so much morphine that he is either asleep or extremely drowsy. Dose anyone have any advice on how to cope? This is by far the hardest thing I have ever been through,I am honestly struggling to imagine myself ever getting through this grief. 

I lost my dad just over 3 weeks ago. It will be 4 weeks on Christmas day. Towards the end, dad was in bed and dosed up on pain meds and morphine. The grief is awful but what I will say, though right now it won't make sense, is that the pending/anticipatory grief is almost worst because you're waiting for the worst and you wake up every day fearing it and how it will happen. 

I understand what you say about feeling you've lost him already. We lost dad a good 4 weeks before he actually passed. It was horrible. Though I'd give anything to have him back, I wouldn't want to watch him in pain. 

All your feelings are valid right now. You're not alone xx

Hi both,

I understand what you mean when you say you feel like you will be having Christmas without him, even though he is here. When my Dad got diagnosed, we got him for another 7 months but that 7 months was treatment, hospital admissions, back and fourth blood tests, antibiotics for him and it was horrendous and soon after his diagnosis, it’s like his light just went out. I never saw my Dad again as he was, very heartbreaking seeing someone you love slowly disappear when they are still right with you.

Like you CazF, I would give anything to have him here but I couldn’t bare him going through all that pain and torment again, he didn’t deserve that. I miss him so much and 10 months on I still can’t believe he isn’t here. 

Nobody is alone, we all know how it feels to lose someone we love so much.

xx 

Hi Essex1,

This is my first Christmas too without my mum, she died 3 months ago from lung cancer.  What I really want to do is too hide round her house until its all over but I will join in and "enjoy" Christmas with my family.  

I wish every minute of every day that I could go round to my mums and call out as I always did and for her answer. Instead I will try continue with the strength and courage she showed and make her as proud of me as I was of her.

My heart goes out to you and to everyone who is part of this forum.  

Much love

Dotness xxx