My brave lovely mum passed away at the end of September 2022 and we had her funeral this week. I know it's only been such a short time since she's been gone but I can't think there will ever be a time that I don't miss her and long to just be in her company.
I feel adrift, lost, I feel like I'm a child again knowing that she's not here anymore. I play the last few weeks of her life over and over wishing that I had realised they would be her last, wishing that I'd cherished every moment rather than just thinking they were an every day occurrence.
I thought that knowing she didn't have forever would have prepared me for her not being here but it hasn't and I don't know how to feel better, feel whole again without her. I don't want to be THAT person who wallows and doesn't move on but at the moment I want to wallow, bury myself it my grief and not come up for air. My mum was so strong and brave for me until the very end that wallowing like this feels like I'm not doing her memory justice and I want to make her proud of me but it's just so hard to not cry and fall apart.
Sorry for letting my grief "all hang out" I guess it's just one of those days.
Much love to you all xxxx
