Hi, I’ve never posted on anything like this before and I’m not holding my breath that it will work but I thought I’d try.
my dad passed away nearly two weeks ago, (12 days ago) and it feels like that time has gone so quickly. I was an extreme daddies girl and adored him endlessly, he’s always been the parent I would go to with difficulties regarding any kind of situation in my life. I do still have my mum who separated from my dad when I was 6, (I’m now 19) and my dads wife who he was with for 10 years is the only connection to my dad I have now.
I was at the hospital as he passed away, we were outside and I still vividly think about the last breath he took and the fact I had my hand on his chest and felt his heart stop beating. I haven’t cried properly since that day, although I know he’s not with us anymore part of me still thinks he’s at the hospital still getting help and waiting to come home, I’m aware this is just denial and a coping mechanism to help me protect myself but I just feel numb.
I struggle with my own mental health severely and I take antidepressants daily to help, this has completely thrown everything down the drain and I’m struggling with negative thoughts.
My dad gave pancreatic cancer a bloody hard time but he was in a lot of pain, he’s now not in any pain and that’s all I keep telling myself. Some days I just wish I could hold him again or hear his voice or tell him everything’s ok and I do message his phone number when I feel like this and I keep a diary aswell but I can’t seem to find a way that helps me let these feelings out it’s almost like the air I’m breathing is one big held breath.
i don’t really know why I’ve written on here and I don’t really know what I’m asking I just feel hurt because my dad was my hero. He promised he would be here to help me move into my flat (1st sep) but now he’s not and I don’t have motivation for anything. In a round about way I just keep cycling through emotions which I know is normal but I feel helpless and lost and no matter how much I distract myself, go out or see others I don’t find enjoyment in anything anymore.
Hi T J I am so sorry to read your post and I can't imagine what you're going through right now, I think there is no easy answer for you, it's something that over time you'll find ways of coping.
I've posted the link for the Macmillan support line below. As well as online information, they offer chat and phone support and that might be something to help you. Best wishes
