Missing my Dad so hard to move on.

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I lost my beautiful dad 11 weeks ago to pancreatic cancer .He passed away 3 weeks after diagnosis I cared for him entirely until he took his last breath.Previously I lost my mom 6 years ago to the same awful cancer .

I thought things would feel a little easier by now and don’t get me wrong I cry less ,i can put on a brave face,I can feel ok for a couple of hours but the grief and emotions when it hits feel as raw as 10 weeks ago.

Sometimes I still feel so shocked and replay those final days/ hours over and over in my head and how he must of felt.

I dream about him loads vividly some dreams are nice but others are not I keep dreaming he comes back to life but then has to pass away again.It feels like I’m loosing him over and over again

I have a supportive husband but I find it hard to talk as I feel people will think I should be moving on by now but I can’t my mind just wants my dad back.

My heart goes out to you all in this group missing loved ones is so very hard

NHLdot over 2 years ago

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad almost 3 years ago and some days the grief still hits you like a train from nowhere. Please keep talking to people, especially your husband, and accept any support they offer. Sending strength. X

Shinebright over 2 years ago in reply to NHLdot

Thanks for your reply and for sending strength NHLdot.

Grief really sucks doesn’t it.Miss my Dad so much it hurts .

Link103 over 2 years ago

Hi ShineBright

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Losing him so quickly after diagnosis is so sad to hear.

I lost my dad 3 weeks ago to stomach cancer. He was diagnosed in November last year. I cant believe how quickly he went downhill and that he is no longer with us.

I too was with my dad as he tok his last breath. I was the only one with him, and no one in my family seems to appreciate how hard it was. I keep thinking about the moment he slipped away and can't believe that my wonderful dad went right before my eyes.

We had his funeral yesterday and I am feeling worse than ever this morning. I can't believe that he is gone.

I too can put on a brave face by trying to push it to the back of my mind for a while but then as you say, the emotions then coming flooding back.

I've had a couple of dreams about my dad since losing him. I had a dream the night before his funeral that the doctors were wrong by saying he only had a few days left and he started to improve and we brought him home. But then in my dream I was so worried that we could loose him at any second.

There is no time limit to grief, but I understand how you feel. I often cry at work but am already thinking 'will people expect me to stay being okay soon?'. But I think people will be more understanding than we perhaps give them credit for. I think open up to your husband about how you are feeling and you will feel better. x

Shinebright over 2 years ago in reply to Link103

Hi link 103,Thanks for the reply.We seem to share many similarities.

Im sorry you in in this boat we are all in together.

I found the following days after the funeral very hard I felt the reality of him no longer here starting to sink in .Look after yourself and take it easy on yourself.

I know I should talk but just finding so hard to open up.

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