Hi everyone ,
my names Emma , my dad died on 21st june after a 2 year battle with cancer . He had bladder , lung , bowel and liver cancer . Me and my dad were very close , he was a lovely kind man . He was a great dad !
I took him to all his appointments and we grew even closer on these journeys . I have not felt any guilt since he died as I know I did everything I possibly could for him ( I moved in with him and my mum in the last few weeks and me and mum cared for him together ) but lately I feel like I hate the world ! I hate it for taking away my dad and friend , a man who did nothing wrong to anyone . I have no one to talk to as my mumis very religious ( she’s a deacon ) so she takes comfort by thinking he’s gone to heaven and I get mad wondering how she can believe , when my dad was taken away from us . I can feel my self snapping at people when normally I wouldn’t and I just want to be alone . I thought I was coping well but the last 2 months feel awful .
Hi Florrie-belle
I hope you don't mind me saying that I think I understand some of your feelings, having lost my own Dad in April to his own personal cancer struggle, I was calm in the knowledge that he would no longer suffer, and like your Mum I have my own beliefs that comfort me also, these beliefs help to get my through day to day. But that does not change the feelings of loss, the feelings that my Dad was taken in the wrong way, and at the wrong time coming over me from time to time.
I am sorry for your loss Emma, and I am sure you will, in time feel less angry, but for now, this is all part of the grieving process.. it is part of the journey through the first year, and the most important thing here is that you are already aware of your own behaviour, your changing moods and you are able to work on those areas.
It may be a consideration to approach your local council for bereavement counselling, this will give you someone to talk to, a safe place for you to express those feelings of madness, of injustice, I know counselling is frowned upon by some, but for others it can be a great comfort.
Please don't beat yourself or your Mum up, emotionally for how you are each handling your grief, we all experience many different layers in our experience of loss.
There is a link HERE from Macmillan that may give you some other views on bereavement.
I hope you can find someone who you can talk to .
Take Care of you
Lowe'
