My mum was sooo strong but this Jan at only 56 she lost her battle to secondary breast cancer returned in her oesophagus after 7 years of fighting it (she was clear around 3 years) in the middle..... it honestly is the worst pain I've lost grandparents and that was sad but I always had her, hearing my 10year old daughter scream when I told her nanny was gone will haunt me forever and the way my 7 year old eyes filled up so fast and we all broke down together.... I don't know how we have got to 10months down the line and we have fun family days we talk about mum daily we are always laughing and joking , if I do somthjng silly like turning the kettle on but not at the wall il laugh then say "alright mum I know ur laughing" helps me to feel close. But right now I can't shake the worry of forgetting her voice and just missing her soooo soooo much I think with the first Christmas looming, my dad is doing well apart from not sleeping, after 40 years together he is lost but he works full time and has his dog bless him, when she died all the paperwork and funeral needed sorting kept me busy for weeks and I was starting a new job and travelling away from home for 2 weeks training so I didn't grieve alot I cried ...God knows I cried...
Anyway I didnt really write this post for a reason other than if u feel the same im here and if u lost ur mum too im really sorry. It really is the worst pain I would never wish on anyone 
and because I feel I needed to write it down I have learnt alot about cancer over the years, lost my husdbands nan to secondary in the bone and his Aunty has secondary in her spine it's just awful I push on social media for everyone to check there boobs, have smears and men to check I post twice a year and a few have had smears because I reminded them, I also fundraise nothing big but every little helps x
Stay strong , at the end of the day our kids need us too and it's what our mums would want x
Dear chezza2702 I am so very sorry to read your post. I've not yet experienced losing a parent so I know I can't personally relate to the sadness you're going through but I know that the “firsts” are very difficult in any grieving process. I think it's great you can remember your mum actively with your own children, what a lovely way for them to be able to remember also.
The Macmillan helpline is there for you, if you do have days when it's particularly difficult and you need someone to talk to. Sometimes I think it's easier to talk to a stranger who doesn't judge and just listens.
Wishing you strength at this difficult time x
