Mum: Missing her so terribly x

Hi Katie,

I lost my mum in January of this year and it is so hard, my mum was always my best friend we went shopping every friday together and had lots of holidays togetehr then, BAM she was gone and im in a world of sorting her bank accounts, arranging her death certificate arranging her funeral, she was only 56 and her mum had died the year before, i found myself VERY angry but i am strong for my kids, i have 2 10 & 7 and they loved there Nan So so so much! 

Hearing my eledest scream when i old her will haunt me forever, BUT i get it i know how ur feeling please dont go over all the " if ony i said this" " if only i visited more" your mum knew you loved her and you know how strong a mums love is, it is very early days for us both you do learn to carry on we have to we are mums But she will always be with you, i talk out loud to my mum if i trip il say " bet your laughing at me now mum" makes me smile.

Take pleasure from all the memories and what you can tell your son about his nan when he is older.

Ive just joined this community as i am at a stage i dont feel i took the time to grieve. If you need to talk.

Hope your ok x 

Hi there I lost my mum 30/9/21 and I was with my mum at hospital on 5/7/21 when we got told the cancer had returned I said tell mum please may have nothing definite or she will deteriorate so they kept mum in as she was unwell 7/7/21 they told me and mum cancers returned I said outside please told them no more gets discussed to mum she’s not well but unfortunately they told her cancer was back but didn’t know anymore so I convinced mum that it would be ok and her spirit lifted when me inside my world crumbled she had lung secondary cancer liver and bladder and 3 months maximum so mum stayed in hospital 1 week moved hospice 1 week I then got her home to my house for caring 24/7 took leave from work and had carers nurses in mine daily I did all night calls as mum had a door bell she would ring I had the alarm in my bedroom still after mum passed I hear the ding dong trauma   I got told as towards last week of life mum I felt a struggle so I was advised to read her the acceptance so I did and said I’d be ok and if it was mums time to leave earth we would all be ok that was 1.30 am 30/9/21 I woke up 7:40 as usual and came down my mum had just passed my world was like u had ripped my heart and soul out my life will never be the same again I’m lost empty and I just want my sole mate back in my life so I get you totally hunny god bless you hear for everyone who needs a chat x

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother. I lost my Mam last August. It doesn't get easier with time, my pain just looks different. Doing this life without her is so hard. 

Hi Thankyou for replying and I can well imagine it’s been a month and feels like yesterday I have night terrors as I went to the chapel with my sister but didn’t really want to go as wish I hadn’t it didn’t look like my mum it’s left me in a bad way I found mum after she passed but was still warm and at 1.30 same day I was up with her as she was struggling a little and I felt fighting to stay awake so I got on my knees and was advised to say some acceptance if I felt this as to pass sometimes they need to hear it so I thought let me say it so being strong and holding the tears I said mum you know if it’s time for you to leave I’ll be ok and I said remember I love you so much and your my world always and again we will all be alright if you want to go then go mum I will be ok love you goodnight godbless and love you loads and I’m going up to bed as my back was so bad I kissed and hugged her and when I came down she had just gone it’s almost like my alarm went off as she passed but wanted me to be the one to find her I screamed and said u can’t leave me please don’t go I held her hand kissed hugged and we all said our goodbyes then I opened the door and set her spirit free but now it’s me left trapped and broken with pain like I can’t explain 

I feel everyone here can sympathize with the pain you're feeling. The loss of your mother is hard because the bond between mother and child, especially that of daughter, is a special one. She's your first best friend and it is like losing part of yourself. I feel like I've lived in a bubble this past 14 months, just that feeling of numbness. I've been lucky enough to have my Dad still here and we've leaned on each other greatly. 

Try and remember your beautiful Mum as she was, before the illness. It is difficult, I know, because I often find myself going back to that day. 

Hi Jayne 47 just reading what you have put as left me in floods of tears, I feel everything you are all saying on here, I lost my best friend my world and life my mum on 7th Sept this yr , I feel absolulty numb , mum was diagnosed with bladder cancer in May this year , was very shabberly treated told no cure sent home but was told of another they could do radiotherapy mum was very confused when we came out of hospital she asked me to explain what they had meant when they were saying about treatment would only give her another couple of months , by the way they told me she had about 12 months to live , but I couldn't tell mum as she had started crying badly when I said they meant if she had a couple of years left it would only give her another 2 months , so there and then I decided she couldn't know , I am her daughter and I knew my mum like you all on here did better than anyone else ,so I told her that old age would get her first and we are going to enjoy life , I wanted to move In with her there and then but I knew she would know something was wrong but I was with her all day every day so I had cameras put in so I could watch her when I had gone home at tea time but also rang her every hr when I was home , my mum was literally my life , then one night when she was going to bed when I looked she was on the floor , me and my husband jumped in car and from that day didn't go home till 3 days after she passed, every day my heart was breaking watching her detiriating and it was if this was all a dream and I was blocking the pain out to stop me breaking I looked after her every day and night all by myself up till last 2 days , I am struggling with like a lot of you from guilt as a couple of things I felt physically sick all the time worrying about her and on Sat before she died I was trying to get her upstairs to bed and she couldn't help me and we had words and I finished up sobbing and saying mum I can't do this anymore I'm broken and I need help and the guilt I feel is killing me now and also what she couldn't stay awake I was saying please mum wake up and talk to me I now know she was dying I again feel so bad and the last thing is I don't know the last couple of days she knew she was dying and she would have been annoyed me not telling her and thinking i was just getting on with things , my beautiful mum died in my arms on the 7th sept and i dont know how im going to get on living this life now without her , just writing this i feel physically sick , any help appreciated xxx

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can sympathise where you are coming from. It is difficult to let go of any guilt. I remember the conversations had with my Mam the weeks before and feeling angry because I felt that she had given up. I was angry with the situation overall because my Mam was also treated appallingly. They stopped her treatment just before the pandemic and that was the beginning of the end. 

I believe your Mam would be so proud of you for being there for her in her time of need. You have to take comfort from that. 

Hi lorna thankyou so much for replying to me,  this is the hardest thing ever and I miss her every hr every day and hope she would have been so proud and happy when she died,  you are totally right about being angry about the situation which makes it worse as it overshadows the previous time you have left with your loved one , I hope your coping as best as you can and I'm sending you love and hugs xxxx

Hi there hunny you know what is just absolutely rubbish I wake thinking of my mum I go to sleep thinking her and during the days the same my life’s not the same but I have found a tiny bit of reliefs I’ve joined a psychic circle as I have cold shivers and a smell that when my mum passed she keeps returning letting me know she’s around and I’ve been once and got messages from mum and no one elswould know as it was me and her so it broke my heart but also comforting to me as I got told she’s with her dad and he says hello and said things sang a song I played I don’t no if this would help you I was nervous but it helped I miss her she’s my everything and I’m having a tattoo today for my mum as I feel I need her close and these are the only ways I can be that to her apart from a box of ashes  I have and speak to daily cry to and generally all I have I’m doing a memorial in my garden to have my space with mum but it so hard tough and so cruel I watched a camera on mum aswell I had 3 months and that I don’t regret caring having her at mine but it’s left me and my partner and 3 kids 16/20/27 distressed as it was in our living room mum passed and it doesn’t feel nice in our home after mums gone it’s left us all scarred for life but I wouldn’t change it for the world she was loved and cared for to the maximum and I’m proud of that although i just wished I could have been there when she passed  I feel for you maybe try the above let me know stay in touch hunny ur mum knew you loved her and will be looking down and even by you if you feel shivers or cold that will be your mum around you x

Ahhh jayne thankyou so so much for  your kind and understanding words , this is bloody cruel isn't it , how would I join the psychic circle love,  and my heart goes out to you xxxx