Mum died within 4 months

Really sorry to hear about your Mum. That definitely sounds like a traumatic journey. My partner started experiencing symptoms in October 2025 and passed away 5 months later. It’s a huge shock to the system, even if you know it’s coming. I’ve been off work since March and it almost feels impossible to go back (we used to work together so that isn’t helping my situation). I know one day I will have to as the money will soon run out but I also know that I absolutely must take as much time as I need to process his death and to heal as much as I can. I have felt guilty about not being at work though, guilty that I’m taking so much time away but my body and mind needs this time. 

Do you feel that you’re ready to go back to work? 

I don’t think you should wait to seek support, I think you have recognised that you need it now so you may want to look at counselling/therapy sessions. I have organised counselling through work as I have private health insurance. But you can also seek help through your GP. 

I also feel my partner suffered during his entire journey, his symptoms were complex and severe, medication wasn’t really helping 100% and chemo was never an option because he was too weak and frail. This really hurts me deeply to know there was never a moment where he truly felt ‘normal’ and pain free. I’m sorry your Mum suffered the way she did, it is so difficult to watch your loved one in that kind of state. 

It will still be very raw for you. I keep thinking to myself that when I do eventually go back to work that the first day will always be the hardest and after that I should fall back into my old routine. 

You should keep posting on here and it also helps to reply to other people’s posts. You’re not alone x

Im sorry to read about your mum, this horrid disease is traumatic towards the end. My husband lived 12 months from his terminal diagnosis. I am still struggling, 8 months on.

Please dont go back to work yet if you dont feel ready. I went back 2 months after he died and it was too soon and I didnt have the support i had when he was ill and I was his carer. I only work part time and I have tried to plough on but im not enjoying it.

Support is hard to navigate, sometimes its someone to talk to, groups like this, a friend to take you out or help you at home. You might like to see if there is a bereavement group in your area, or if any hospice offers grief support. It could be doing an activity you enjoy, for me, it was choir. It could be counselling, although Im still waiting for mine. If you do online, I found the Loss foundation good.

The processing takes a long time, its still very raw for you. 

Talk here as much as you like x

Hello, thank you for your reply. I’m so sorry for your loss, thanks for sharing. I also have private health care through work so am going to make use of the counselling. I think if I don’t do it now life will take over and get busy again and it will get bumped down my to-do list which is not helpful.

i think I’m ready to go back to work but I suppose I won’t know until I do it. I am very lucky to have a really understanding boss who has been through this already and he has already told me that if I go back and decide it’s too soon then we re-visit things. I think it’s more the guilt at ‘getting back to normal’ and feeling like I am somehow leaving mum behind. Which I’m not, she is on my mind all the time.

i hope you are benefitting from the counselling and that your journey eases over time. Good luck when you do return to work xx

Hi Anon147, 

I am really relating to your post. My mum was diagnosed May 2025 with advanced lung cancer that had spread to her bones. It was a shock as she's never smoked in her life. She was also put on osimertinib but they made her lose her appetite and it was really hard on her as she loved cooking and eating and was struggling to keep weight on, knowing it was a condition of staying on the tablets. The tablets were meant to be effective for 3 years but after a year, she was told to pause them because of her weight loss. 

She was shocked but doing okay, still coming round ours for dinner and slowly eating more, talking, moving, everything. Within a few days she was hospitalised as she suddenly stopped eating, drinking and speaking and no one knew what was wrong as they said medically she seemed fine. She was in hospital for 4 weeks, sometimes awake and talking, sometimes erratic and manic, sometimes not waking up at all and sleeping all day. Then they did an MRI and we were told she had LMD, and there were cancer cells spread in her brain. From then, she couldn't really move or speak again, only looking at us with her eyes and occasionally slightly moving her hands and head. She moved into hospice and died 2 weeks later. 

I am still in total shock. I had all these ideas of when she came out of the hospital, even without the immunotherapy, we'd do things together and try and make every day enjoyable. I never knew the last time I spoke to her would be the last time I would hear her voice and I'm really struggling to comprehend that she's gone. She was only 61 and I never envisaged that she'd not be here through milestones like when/if I have children. I thought towards the end she'd be weak but we'd still be able to talk and do things together, or she'd be in a wheelchair, but I never thought within essentially 6 weeks I'd lose her so suddenly this way. 

I'm really sorry to hear about your mum and I'm sorry to read everyone else's posts as well.