Hello everyone,
I’m new to this site but not new too losing family to cancer I’m sorry to say . I know your all here the same as me because you have lost someone you love to cancer .
A bit about me and why I’m here today over the years I’ve lost of my mums sisters to cancer all my aunts the last one Dec 2020 my mum held here hand as she died . Even though my amazing Mum was fighting her own fight against cancer at the time . I sadly lost my Mum in March to cancer I looked after her at home right to the end . She had lived with me and my oh & children for the last 16 years . I’ve only not lived with her for two years of my life . She has left a big hole in all are life’s and I miss so much . Since she has passed I’ve not been able to stop keeping busy from when I get up till I go to bed . That was until 4/08 when a ultrasound on my womb showed what could be a fibroids or cancer put on two week pathway to find out . Had a MRI a weeks ago but no results yet I’m so scared right now . My youngest is 15 and losing my mum her Nan second mum has hit her hard I’m so scared of how she will cope if something is wrong . I wonder if I missed symptoms because I spent March 20 -March 21 looking after my mum my periods just stopped I put it down to stress of mum & covid doctors agreed. Since my Mum died I felt both I’m numb now since them saying I’m feeling flat tired lots of emotions right now . More than ever just want my Mum . I’m on holiday as work in a school and meant to be going back Thurs I miss school so much . I work in a special needs school and it’s hard to have a bad day there the kids are all amazing . I knew this holiday would be hard but I never expected it to be this hard . I don’t know why I feel the need to post today but maybe it will help sharing. So sorry to you all for your losses it’s so hard saying goodbye to someone you love . Thanks for reading Emma x
Hi Emma
Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and all your aunts.
You can take great comfort from being with your mum and taking care of her right to the end. This would have made her passing more peaceful and comfortable. Constantly being busy is just a part of grieving. We all grieve in our own way and at our own pace. Your own mind will know what is best for you and will only let you grieve when you are able to cope with it. Maybe you could have a weekend away on your own or with a best friend - no family - and just chill out. If your friend is a true friend they will let you talk as much as you want; rant and rave; or just cry - they will know what to say and sometimes just silently hold you if that is all that is required. You need to find time to grieve for your mum otherwise it could affect you much harder later.
Your mum will always be around you. Talk to her whenever and where ever you want. Even little things like mentioning the weather will help. Visit one of your mums favourite places alone and talk to her there. Your mum will always try to find a way to let you know that she is listening and will try to support and guide as best she can. It may take a few days for any sign to appear and you have to open yourself to see and accept the sign without fear. It may be finding an unexpected white feather, radio / tv retuning or finding something of your mums that you thought was long lost.
Another great way of expressing your emotions is writing them down. No one else has to see these if you don't want them to and you can keep them to look back on. You can involve the whole family so that you can include stories of your childhood, your mums childhood, stories from other relatives or your mums friends. Include lots of pictures as well - this will help you all to discuss things openly, show and share your emotions and be something for your children to keep for their own memories.
With regards to your own health you could also look at this group, womb, on the community which could also be of great help to you.
If you need to talk to someone, please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm daily for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.
Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.
There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.
This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.
This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.
Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.
Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around
the corner .......
All is well.
Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.
David
