Recently lost my Dad

Hi everyone.

I lost my Dad last Tuesday to PMP cancer (its a rare kind, which is typical of Dad, he could never have anything 'normal'!)

We're still organising his funeral which is helping keep us focused. My concern is about the time after. I'm mostly thinking about the firsts - first time we all meet as a family, first trip to one of his favourite places, fathers day, his birthday, my birthday, Christmas etc. 

I'd love some advice from anyone who's been through this - how did you manage it? I know there's no one fit for all, but any tips would be so helpful right now.

Thanks

  • Heartbroken25 welcome to the forum and I am so very sorry for your loss.

    It is coming up for almost 2 years since my dad died and I wish I could tell you that it will get easier and in time it will but for all the firsts its hard and there is no way to dress that up as anything else it's sad without them. I have a good cry now and again as I think of my dad and I miss him and all that he meant to me and my family but he is now in my heart where he can remain until my dying day and no one can take that away. You will be the same as they say that love lives on and it does so even thought their physical presence is gone their memory and what they meant to us goes on.

    Sending some healing hugs your way for now.xx 

    gail

     
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  • Hi Granny59

    Thank you so much for replying. I'm so sorry for your loss too and I can see that there will be dark times in the years to come.

    The point you made about your Dad being in your heart really resonated with me. I will keep that thought with me and in my heart.

    Thank you xx

  • Hi heartbroken25

    I lost my mam 27th Dec 2020.her service was 12th Jan. We never stopped after mam passed away always something to arrange. We had music only at mams service no words and it was beautiful service. 

    It's going be strange was hard new year so birthday Xmas is going be harder she loves Xmas. 

    My dad is lost its hard on night time no one speak to after 58yrs marriage. But I told him talk to her don't be ashamed I talk everyday. 

    We never slept properly since 27th Dec its going be tough days out places but we talk about mam all the time good things only. That makes us laugh smile.

    Keep strong 
  • hi heartbroken25,

    i lost my dad almost 3 years ago. i'm still having plenty of firsts nearly 3 years later. i heard my dad's faveourite song last year when i was out shopping with my fiance and more recently every now and again i can smell cigarette smoke (my dad was a smoker) so that i know that he's near by.

  • Hello

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my dad too (18/11/2020)

    The firsts will never be easy. Two days after my dad's funeral was my brothers birthday, followed by my grandad's the following week and another 2 weeks after was Christmas.

    My advice would be to just do what ever you feel on those days. Don't force yourself into doing things just because that's what you usually do for an occassion. If you want to just have a quiet day then do, there's no pressure.

    I'm told it gets easier with time, for me it's only been 2 months so I can't comment but I do take comfort in knowing that my dad would want me to still be enjoying the good times :)

    xx

  • Hi fox71

    Thank you for replying.

    So sorry for your loss too. I think everything is more strange now, like the world has lost some of its colour.

  • Hi nannasgirl1982

    Thanks for replying. So sorry the you lost your Dad too. I suppose I thought that after the first year there'd be no more firsts, but from what you that's not the case. Luckily my Dad's favourite music (Johnny Cash) isn't played in many shops! 

  • Hi fuschia29

    Thank you for replying. So sorry for your recent loss too.

    Wow, that was a lot that happened in such a short period of time. That's good advice about doing what I want to do on the 'special' days. I am a people pleaser so would probably worry about what others want me to do rather than thinking about what I want. I'm definitely going to remember this and not put any pressure on myself

  • Hi I’m just reading through and wasn’t able to offer any advice as I’m in the thick of it waiting for more ‘firsts’ (have had my birthday and Christmas so far) just wanted to stop to say sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad who was my best friend in june last year and his fav music was Jonny cash and the Dubliners we had a play list of that music while he was dying. I haven’t been able to listen to it since. Will always remind me of him x

  • My dad passed away August and all I can say is some how you will find the strength.. the first everything's are hard try and do something you enjoyed doing with your dad and think as if he is still there with you.

    Birthdays,Christmas, anniversarys tbh any day are a struggle but day by day you will get through it!! There is no right or wrong way of doing anything and getting through it.

    Both my dad and I share the same birthday so this is a extremly hard day but I just see it as our special day.

    If you ever need to talk please feel free to message me for a chat x