Dreading New Year

P.s - totally agree roll on summer. Xx ️

Hi both, 

Thanks for checking in. 

Same as Sunshine19 - tough old week. 2 back to back work trips were a good ‘distraction’ but had a feeling the green grief monster would be waiting around the corner. Sadly that was true and by Friday, I was a little floored. I did catch up with my sister Friday night and we talked a lot about things - more openly. I told her I was struggling and a couple of my uni friends had messaged her and said they were worried and hadn’t heard from me. I simply had nothing to say? I was/ am so exhausted of having to explain how I feel. How can they understand anyway? 

Does anyone else sometimes wake up and feel so sort of strangled by grief? Like it feels like a heavy weight or something around your neck? 

Work isn’t being very supportive either. Sadly my boss is trying to support me but in the weirdest way possible and I don’t feel like I have any allies - my job is very fickle and everyone is very out for themselves. I’d just like a little luck for something else to come up and I can move on. 

Sadly I've felt very alone the last few days. My mum was the only person who really got me - who I totally trusted and was always there for me, with encouraging words of wisdom. I miss that so much. 

Good luck for tomorrow Sunshine19. Thinking of you both xx

I can relate when you said strangled by grief. I also call grief, Groundhog Day. Nobody can truly understand how your feeling, unless they have been through it themselves. Even though I have my dad and sister, I also feel very alone at times, mum really was my world and understood me.  Everyday, mum is in my thoughts, I just wish she was here in person xx

Sorry to hear you are all struggling.

Whilst it was the worst timing in the world being made redundant a couple of weeks before I lost my Mum it has turned out for the best for me. I’m very lucky. I was dreading going back to the old place. The new one seems much kinder and empathetic. Not everyone knows so there is less pressure day to day. My friends so far have been great and understanding as far as they can. The loneliness is definitely the worst for me, I hate being alone. Too much time for thoughts, memories.

Just remember ladies. We are strong, we are doing well and we are here for each other. We understand.

Take care xx

Glad to hear you have good support from your friends. The alone times are the worst, as you said time to remember thoughts. I never used to mind those quiet times, but since mum passed, everything changes. Good to know there is support on here and to just get through the days, shows the strength we have within us, must be our mum’s giving us strength xx

Feel like my mum must have whispered some wise and encouraging words into my ear last night. I woke up with a fight - more strong than I’ve felt for a while. I reread my message from last night though and I’m glad I sent it - it felt raw and it shows that it’s tough and grief is hard. There are many difficult days now and ahead.

Glad to hear work is going well for you Spu. Plenty of support Sunny43 - it’s lovely to know that you all understand the struggles and the bad days, without judgement. 

Hope you’re ok sunshine19 

Something my sister just sent me

xx

Aw that’s lovely.

I think it is good to post how you feel when you feel it. We can then look back and on our darkest days see just how far we have come.

Some days we wake with fight and strength and a feeling of ‘can do’. Others we wake and feel the tsunami of impossibility and grief and loneliness and longing.  But somehow we will get through.

Be strong. Keep well.

xx

Evening ladies. 

Aww thank you ladies, love we have eaxh other to chexk in with. I think its the safe space, to be completely honest. And like you say with out judgement. 

I had a better day today. I slept ok (well for me its a real issue at the moment) my head is also going at 100 miles an hour. I had a positive day at work. Also had an invite to a special occasion (that was hard in its self, mum would have loved it, she loved a party) but also I know she wanted us to have FUN. So it's something nice to look forward too. 

I completely relate to so much above. The ups and downs of grief. I get so exhausted by its unpredictability. But each day at a time.  And  today at work was a good day and also felt a feeling of strength.

The not having anything to say. I must admit I  have isolate my self socially. (Not like me at all) Tbh just getting up and functioning is hard enough. At the end of the day i. Just so tired. 

And I say the same. My mum just Got Me  I didn't need to explain or even say she just knew. Xxxx

Thinking of you guys too. We got rhis ladies, for out lovely ladies. I think they all would be very proud of their girls. Sending you warmest wishes. Xxx

Hi K8EH - that is lovely what your sister sent you. Family have to try and support each other through these difficult times. It’s lovely that I can share my thoughts and feelings on this  site. Some days I feel stronger than others, I know it’s going to be a tough road ahead, I’m sure our mum’s would be very proud of us. Grief is a roller coaster, someone just rang from a company asking to speak to mum, well, I had to say mum had passed, just saying it doesn’t feel real, the tears just flowed again. As most people say, a day at a time, We all understand what we are going through. Xx

Hi Sunshine19. Glad to hear your ok and had a positive day at work. Mum got me too, we shared the same sense of humour too and laughed at the same things. When we were arranging the funeral, the funeral director said sometimes after 100 years the graves are sometimes moved, my sister asked when that happens would he let us know, he said well, I won’t be here and you won’t either - in such a stressful situation, it did make us laugh, I know mum would have laughed at that too. Xx