Dreading New Year

Sunny43. Thats lovely you and your mum shared humour and laughter. Xx Us too. Xxx I can honestly say when I think of my upbringing, the first thing that pops to my mind is a life filled with love anlaughter.  ( i know im lucky to have had this, behind many closed doors are misery and pain)  the last few months have been the toughest. But we also have moments when we have roared. we know mum would be laughing too. Xx Bless your sister sounds like something, I'd come out with. Must admit I would have giggled too. Xxxx

Hi Sunshine19 My upbringing was lovely too, filled with love and plenty of laughs. Just a week before mum passed, I said I wish we could turn back time and re-live our life’s again, I said the years have gone by too fast, As you said though, we were like lucky to have had  such a nice upbringing, a lot of people sadly don’t have that xx

Hey all,  just checking in. How are we all?  I've had a wierd old day. Well I  slept last night. (First 8hrs in sooo long.) I should feel rested. But oooh no, my brain, still hundered miles an hour, even when asleep.

I had the most viivd dream about mum. It as very jumbled. Like I was little and then it was in the intensive care unit during her death. I woke up startled. So i was a bit out of source all day.

I just miss her so much. Some days, my heart aches. And today it ached like the day She passed away.

Loads of stuff going on at the moment (won't bore you with that)  and 4 times today. I thought for a split second, ooh I'll ask mum, oooh I'll phone mum. Xx just missing her sooo much. Xx 

Hi

Sorry to hear about your day.

I had a similar experience yesterday morning. Just before I woke up in the morning I dreamt my Mum rang me to tell me that she had cancer - I heard her so vividly and then the line went silent and I woke up. That’s not how it happened in reality at all. Plus she sounded younger on the phone in the dream. I woke feeling so so so sad and missing her so much. The feeling has hung over into today. I thought I was doing ok but it’s hitting me again. Just feel really sad and really alone, almost unbearable.

Life sucks at times.

Hope you are all doing ok and get some rest.

Take care xx

Awe SpU. Xx sending you the biggest virtual  hug. Xxx It so hard isn't it. X It just comes over you. With me it changes by the hour. I've had a horrid day.  And  missing my mum and her support and wisdom soooooo much. Xxx then just tonight a memory, popped into my head. And it kinda reminded me off what we were like and she wouldn't want me to be sad. Xx 

Me and mum went to a SW class few years back. She never liked staying, to the meeting. But one day she did and it was a tasting session. As always mum's beautiful eyes said alot.  She wasn't impressed. I don't know if it was the over enthusiastic consultant or the food.  anyone she put something edible on her plate. And sat down next to me. I said after a few mintues Mum is it ok. "Yes darling but I don't like the pastry" "pastry" i looked at her and she was eating her quiche and chewing the 'pastry'. Thou It wasnt pastry, it was grease proof paper. It was a pastry less quiche. I have never laughed so much, I was literally crying and howling. The whole room were looking at us. Safe to say we didn't stay the next week. Xxx some times on a rubbish day. I'm truly thankful for my bank of memories. Xx

Sorry for the ramble. I go of with the fairies. Xx take care of yourself and be kind to your self. Always here for a chat. X

Sunshine19 I read something in a book this week about doing a memory jar. I think it was more aimed towards children but I thought what a nice idea it is. Everytime you have a wonderful memory, you write it down and store it in the jar - then you can revisit them and yet still capture them all in one place. I might give it a whirl. 

Sorry to hear you had a bad day. I’ve dreamt a lot about my mum and then struggled all day. I’ve literally had to struggle through that day and then have a bath and go to bed early - hoping for a better one the next day. I also nodded when you used the word ‘ache’ I referenced that the other day to my dad. I miss my mum so much it aches. I hope the wave may have a passed a little and today is a better day. 

I’ve been wondering around in heat patches. The aches that grief brings are nasty! Also started the day with a panic attack on the train - so all in all, not the easiest of days either. But I live in hope for a better one. 

Hope everybody finds the strength for a better day today xx

Sounds as though we are all going through the same emotions - some ok days and a lot of rubbish days. Grief hits you like a slap in the face. I dream about mum most nights, usually the dreams are all over the place, I guess that’s the state of mind that I’m in and no doubt lots and lots of other people. As you said sunshine, I miss mum so, so much too,it’s really like my heart has been broken xx

Awww Kate, love that idea. I saw it on the Rio Ferdinand documentary. Xx I might try it too. Xxx As some days I feel so sad, im in a haze and have to dig deep for the Happy Memories, which really comfort me. Xxx I also have a lot of lovely pictures of my mum and some of her drawings. She loved to doodle. She was fantastic. I was thinking of displaying them and including some of her saying. You know the little things, these pop into my head all the time  Xx 

Aww sorry you are having a tough time too. Xx I hope today is better today. Xxx 

Awwww Sunny43 thinking of you lovely. X

That's it, some days I'm ok, settled and I think. Wow I'm doing good. Then BANG. Xx it's so hard. I apart from my close family and a select few friends I have gone back to saying "im doing ok" when people ask.

I think people, think I should be over it now. Or I'm dragging it out. I can't be bothered to explain my self. But deep inside that ache is still just as raw as six months ago. I don't know if it will ever go, but I guess in time it becomes part of you Xx 

Wishing you you all a good day. What ever your doing. Xx