Dreading New Year

Aww sounds like a great plan. Xx hope you get a nice treat. Xxx

Just wanted to say a quick hello - I only manage to pop in every now and again but I really appreciate the amazing support and complete understanding on here, it's a wonderful thing to find people to share this with, to feel less alone. Sending lots of love to you all through the hardest times. I've had a really tough spell lately and am low on sleep, which is a bad combo for me. Hoping for a brighter time ahead.

I've had the same thought about Mothers Day as Kate - to buy and write a card. After she passed I found the box where mum kept all her birthday, mothers day, good luck cards from us and her closest friends. There was stuff going back many, many years in the box and it was lovely - if really sad - looking through.

Knowing she kept everything I wanted to write her a card this year and leave it with the others, which I've done now. I cried buckets writing it but it felt right somehow. Also in the same box there was a really beautiful - unwritten - sympathy card with the most lovely, moving words inside. It's weird but I felt mum meant for me to have it and take comfort from it. It's a bookmark now in one of the grief anthologies I'm reading.

Lovely idea you've all had about planting some flowers, I might do that on Sunday with my sister- she lives on her own now, whereas it used to be her and mum. I thought she might find it hard still being at the house but she's actually doing really well now, I'm so proud of her. She's rubbish at gardening though so I can be of help there!

That's great Kate about the running. I run a bit and it definitely helps me manage my emotions, and sleep better. I have run a marathon but it was 7 years ago now! I'd say you are stronger than you know. I did a long run on my own a few weeks after mum passed and I was a bit worried the emotions would make it really hard, but in the end it was really beautiful - I stopped halfway in the middle of a field and had a little cry, but a sort of happy one, and talked to mum, and then I was ok to carry on running- even had a smile on my face thinking of her. Your mum will totally be there with you, through your training and on the day. Wish you all the luck!

Take care everyone, I'm sending peace and hugs to you all tonight, and love to all those we've lost

Emma xx

Hi Emma,

So lovely to hear from you. Sounds like you’re needing a rubber ring too in those waves - completely hear you. 

Thats so sad but also so beautiful finding the sympathy card. I really do believe in those things. When I had flu recently, I saw a rainbow as I started to feel better. It was like mum was shining down again, encouraging me to pick myself up and carry on.

I’ve decided against the card but the flowers and the run I will do. Do you mind if I message you privately and ask your advice on the marathon you ran? I have such admiration for people who have already done it and I’d love to know your tips and how you did it? Don’t want to bore everyone on this thread with my questions :-) 

Treated myself to a new electric blue top on the way home. Really bright colour - to remind me who I was/ am. Cheery! Not gloomy in Black all the time with a cloud over my head! Racing home Sunshine to be able to have a bath and go to bed  

Lots of love to you all xxxxx

ahh thanks Kate for the rubber ring, appreciate it: ) 

Well done for treating yourself to a snazzy new running top. It can feel like a slog so having something cheerful to wear that feels totally you is a really good plan. You can message me any time - not sure how good my running advice is but totally happy to help if I can :)

So lovely your mum sent a rainbow when you were poorly. Those little isgns rhat remind us how beautiduk life can be - I really feel they must be looking out for us. 

Sweet dreams everyone xxx

Hello all - Lou, Sunshine, GBear, Emma, SPu, Kate, from now on I’m going to use the MacTeam and you will all know who I mean. It seems we are all really struggling. I have had a stormy few days, those big waves keep hitting me. I find the loss of mum so overwhelming at times, still find it so difficult to process what has happened, I guess I’m still probably in a state of shock, the most important person in your life gone, I say gone, but as Kate and Emma said, our mum’s may not be here in physical form but they are always with us in spirit and watching over us. The signs like the rainbow and card are all signs that our mum’s are always beside us.

You can brian dump on here anytime Kate, that’s what we are all on here for - to listen/support our virtual friends. I think it’s fantastic that you will be running the 2020 marathon, all for an excellent cause and more importantly for your mum too. I could probably manage a walk, as I haven’t run properly since school days, a long time ago. Have never been the strongest/fit person in the world, I’m more like Olive Oyl than Popeye. My brother in law ran the North East marathon for mum in 2017/2018, he would usually do a few runs during the week to build himself up.

Sunshine - that was lovely of that person to say they would be thinking of you. I think me and my sister will get some flowers for mum on Sunday.

SPu - as Kate said we are all here for you, your never on your own.

Thinking of all the MacTeam xx

Hi all or as Sunny has said the Macteam

Hope you are all well, sending love your way. Sorry you've had a few stormy days Sunny, I find the days are up and down constantly. 

I was thinking of getting my mother a mother's day card but just thought I couldn't face even going into a card shop to get one so I'll just be getting flowers, visiting the crematorium and then just getting out and away from the day maybe a walk along a beach just to be away from people.  It hard because my kids want to get me something but I said I just wanted to pretend the day isn't happening.  I know my mother would tell me off for that.  I'm just going to focus on trying to get through the day as I know you all will be doing the same.

I think that's a lovely idea Kate to start your training on Sunday, I wish you well for your training, really wish I could run but can never manage it as I said I prefer a walk.

Also the planting of flowers is lovely, we planted a tree for my mother on her birthday, it a magnolia there are buds on it already and I hope it will start to flower soon.  

I'm a great believer in signs and we're had a few, the rainbow is beautiful  Kate and I'm sure it was your mother sending you a sign.  We had one the other day a little robin that sat by us on a riverside and sang his heart out alongside us, then further along the walk another robin sat in a branch right above our heads again making sure we knew he was there by singing.

Hope this message finds everyone as well as they can be.

Take care Lou xx

Morning Lou

Your right the days are constantly up and down, as a lot of people have said on here, grief is like a roller coaster of emotions. Mother’s Day is going to be very difficult for all of us, just try and get through it the best you can. My sister says, try to just think of it as another Sunday, easier said than done though.

I believe in signs too, especially when I see a robin. How lovely to see two. Robins were mum’s favourite bird, mum used to call them roly-robins. Rainbows are beautiful, a sign from your mum Kate.

As Lou said, I wish you well for the training too. I had brian fog this morning and could not think of the proper name for the marathon that my brother in law ran. It’s the Great North Run, but a lot less miles than the London marathon. We will all be running ‘virtual’ with you Kate.

Take care xx

Needing a focus. 

I been thinking a lot, this week.  About where I am and where I'm going. I feel like Ive come to a stand still. I feel lost in limbo. I just don't do much at all. I've lost my sparkle. I know my beautiful mum, wouldn't want that at all. 

Kate, you have inspired me, ( I couldn't run a marathon.)I could run for a bus. but I need a focus and to lose weight. (A lot)  I've been using my grief as an excuse. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my realtive who is seriously ill. But such an inspiration. They are very young but so bright and positive. It was a bit of a reality check. My mum wanted me to live my best life. I'm not I'm just plodding along. So this Mother's Day I'm getting on it. For me of course but in her honour. So I can live the best life. So wait for it...... I've joined the GYM today. Eeeek big thing for me. And currently meal planning for the week. I need to get healthy and I think it be good for my body and mind. I miss my mum soooo much and I spend my days off very lonely. It will give me something to do. Xxx

So thank you Kate and all for inspiration. XXX 

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Needing a focus. 

I been thinking a lot, this week.  About where I am and where I'm going. I feel like Ive come to a stand still. I feel lost in limbo. I just don't do much at all. I've lost my sparkle. I know my beautiful mum, wouldn't want that at all. 

Kate, you have inspired me, ( I couldn't run a marathon.)I could run for a bus. but I need a focus and to lose weight. (A lot)  I've been using my grief as an excuse. Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my realtive who is seriously ill. But such an inspiration. They are very young but so bright and positive. It was a bit of a reality check. My mum wanted me to live my best life. I'm not I'm just plodding along. So this Mother's Day I'm getting on it. For me of course but in her honour. So I can live the best life. So wait for it...... I've joined the GYM today. Eeeek big thing for me. And currently meal planning for the week. I need to get healthy and I think it be good for my body and mind. I miss my mum soooo much and I spend my days off very lonely. It will give me something to do. Xxx

So thank you Kate and all for inspiration. XXX 

️️ 

Sorry Double Posted. Xx