Dreading New Year

Hi all

I lost my Mum in October and can resonate with so many of the things you are all saying. To the outside I am strong, I’m coping - inside I fold, feel weak and cannot imagine how life can be without her. I was made redundant at the end of September and start my new job on Wednesday. It will be the first time being back at work since she went into hospital in April (so I was either at hospital or caring for her at home until October). I don’t have a partner or any family. I will miss having Mum to come back to and telling her about my day, my new job. I miss her warmth, her laugh, her support.

I miss her so very very much.

Thinking of you all and sending strength, love and hugs. Xx

Hi all - 

So terribly sorry you’re all going through it too but so glad you’ve all written and said how you feel. I’m a real believer in continuing to say how you’re doing and talk about the loneliest and isolation grief can bring. I got angry the other day that when you google looking for stories/ blogs on how other people feel, there are none. It’s almost like grief should be contained behind closed doors and done privately. Of course, that’s how some people might choose to do it but understanding that others get it, helps! 

I too am sadly not celebrating this evening - and that’s fine for me. My sister says she’s having a small get together and raising 2 fingers up to 2018! I instead will go for a long walk tomorrow and breathe in some fresh air of 2019. Hope you all find a way to get through it.

SPu, very best of luck for the new job. Take it steady and don’t do too much in between if you can help it. Grief needs rest and processing time.  

None of us are alone in this - so even if you don’t have family or friends around you, you have a whole load of ladies who understand and hear you. 

Kate xxxxx

This is such a lovely community, filled with people who understand and care despite being invisible 'strangers'. I  wish you all the strength to find a way to the better days ahead x

It really is. I feel so lost and isolated at the moment. I'm really struggling. I have found these words so expiring. As you say complete strangers, who just get it.  That means a lot. Warmest wishes to you all. Xxx

Wishing you all a peaceful and hopeful 2019. 

Thank you - it’s very scary going back to work after so long and losing my Mum as well. I will try and heed your very good advice. I am trying my best to be strong for my Mum.

It is tough but it really does help knowing that others share the same thoughts and feelings. This forum helps show that grief really does take many different forms and there are no rights and wrongs - any way we feel and cope is valid.

Thinking of you all and sending positive thoughts.

xx

Wishing everyone a peaceful New Year. 

Hope you all managed to get through the New Year, we just had a quiet night and went to bed early didn't want to celebrate it. It will be a quiet walk somewhere later. We always would go to my Mam's house for a lovely cooked dinner. 

SuPu I go back to work next week after 6 months off due to caring for my mother. I'm also feeling very anxious about going back. I'm just going to try and take it a day at a time, see how I go I'm not putting any pressure on myself (well I'm going to try not to). I'm just dreading the pity looks and how are you questions. 

Sending love to you all x x x

- Wishing you all the best for your return to work next week. Baby steps, one day at a time - best we can do. I know what you mean about the looks - I have to keep remembering that some people just don’t know what to do/say in these situations and it’s odd that it is us who often have to be the stronger one to make it less awkward for others...

I first experienced this when my Dad died and some people would avoid me. I vowed from that time that I might not ever know the right words to say but I would always say something if someone experienced a loss to help them not feel the isolation that I had.

Good luck next week xx

And to you guys too. x

Best of luck with going back to work. I had four months off, first 2 months, when my mum was in hospital, as it was a very traumatic time. Then when she died, I was signed off for a further period, because of stress and anxiety.

I was very anxious about going back too. (I went back begin of Oct) My advice,is taking each day as, it comes, be kind to yourself. Take breaks when needed and plan to do something relaxing when you finish. (I found being round lots of people and the noise of my work environment, over powering , so I walked my Mums beloved dog loads) 

I think I worked myself up. I was dreading questions and pity looks too. (I hate people feeling sorry for me)  But in my experience, people do care and will ask how you are? I prepared my self, with a handful of sayings, like  "taking each day at a time" " looking after my self" " doing what my mum would want". 

But if im perfectly honest, I wouldn't worry about the questions and looks, in my experience (without sounding horrid) after 4months even thou i was still consumed with what's happened to my beautiful mum (still am tbh ) . It's become part of me and literally blown my world apart.For others it's sad and they acknowledge but it hasn't effect them. So to them it's not the forefront of their mind. And that suited me fine. Many acknowledged my mother's passing and then if I'm honest, it didn't seem like id been away. 

A few weeks in and everything was exactly the same as the day I left, (but me and my life) that was more difficult. 

I drew strength on the fact my mum would 

If it’s any consolation, I still find myself sitting in the loo at work wayyyyyy too long either having a little cry or taking a very deep breathe. 

We’ll be here if you’re struggling :-) 

xx

Thanks both for the advice again it means a lot. 

I plan to have a walk before I go into work, walking has been a great help to me over the last couple of months just to have some space and try to clear my head. 

I just don't like the thought of being 'trapped' in an office but I will try and have breaks when I need them. You right people mean well but sometimes you just want to be left alone and not constantly questioned especially by people who do not understand. I had that a lot when my mother was ill I felt I was the one who was avoiding people. If anything this has given me an understanding now of how people feel and how to treat people going through difficult times.

I'll see how I get on and I know my mother will send me some strenght to get through it.

Thank you x x x