Dreading New Year

Hi all

Thank you for the virtual hugs and thoughts. It’s true we are all going through similar experiences. It’s odd , I didn’t really dream much about Mum since she passed in October and now I seem to be dreaming about her all the time. And that makes me wake up sad which overhangs the whole day. You carry on but the sadness is there in your tummy and clutching at your heart.

Just catching up on posts - for some reason when I logged on over the past couple of days all I got was lists of who had joined what group, I couldn’t see any of the discussions or messages. Really odd.

Hope you are all managing to get some rest. Take care xx   

SPu - I dream about mum a lot - I wake up feeling so sad, the tears flowing. I still feel as though I’m in some sort of nightmare, and that I will wake up and mum still here - would give anything to go back to happier and healthy times. Thinking of you all, going through this journey of grief xx

Yes me too . I would give anything to have Mum back here, healthy and happy. I’d give anything for a hug from her. To hear her chuckling at something on tv. To just be here with me. 

Love to all. Wishing you a good week xx

Yeh me too was odd. Xx 

Hi , sorry you've had the strange thoughts about the site, it fell over as we would put it. Hopefully it will behave itself now.

With regards to you dreaming about your Mum, maybe its your subconscious mind trying to deal and rationise your Mums passing. I am sorry its been waking you up because of it I am sure this has made the whole process hard. Have you thought of having a notebook or something like that by your bed and when you wake write down what you can remember about your dream . I once learnt that we try hard in our conscious mind to not deal with things, not because we don't want to but because we are overwhelmed by it. There is lots of reasons this can happen. But we end up saying I can't deal with this I will push it to the back of my mind, I am not ready yet. But when your asleep your unconscious mind brings all the thoughts to the front of your mind and it wakes you. By writing everything you can remember you trick your consciousness that you have dealt with something. Sometimes putting all your thoughts down helps to deal with a trauma. Your mind is like a box you can keep on filling it but sometimes it starts to overflow and jump around and it will say I have had enough I need some room. Its a coping mechanism that many have whether they realise it or not but I think if your dreaming a lot about your Mum, somehow your mind is trying to say its time to allow your thoughts though. All though thoughts in your notebook will form a unique memory of your Mum and something to have as a keepsake so you don't worry that you would loss any memory or forget because you will not forget your Mum. 

Hi GBear. I think you are right. Because I loved Mum so much and if you’d have asked me a year ago how I’d cope without her I’d have said I’d totally fall apart, I think my conscious mind is completely trying to protect me from the extent of the loss I feel. I’ll perhaps try writing things down. Mostly my dreams aren’t things that actually happened in real life though which is weird.

Hope you are doing ok. Xx

Thanks ,

I be honest i don't know how I feel. My friend was someone I told everything too, I felt I could chat very openly without judgement to him as he did to me. His wife knows there are things I have held back and I will share eventually about some of the things that passed between us, he was the only one who understood the weirdness I have gone though. We were both diagnosed with cancer around the same time, but his was incurable, mine luckily was curable. To look at him he looked great you would never of known until a couple of months before he died. We used to jokenly say well if we were as well as we look fantastic. He used to be someone who was very realistic he knew that his life was on a limited length but wasn't prepared to let it bother him, he said cancer may take his life but not him. For a long time I didn't understand what he meant by it but then I found out. We both hate the term "oh your so brave" etc but at the same time he would say "what else have I got?." I have been on the brink of post traumatic stress disorder but I am fighting it, but conflicted, my counsellor is great and challenges me so much to have more confidence in myself as that has taken such a bartering. I knew before my cancer diagnosis that something was very wrong and it took months to find out it was cancer I am only greatful now it was low stage I feel lucky in that respect. Part of the reasons I have got into art and crafts is because of my friend he said I have a talent I should embrace it but I lacked confidence but I also felt that some of the best work was when I felt very down on myself. I realise now the reasons for it being good art work was because I focused my mind on my art, if it gives anyone even only a short time of pleasure I was surprised how its helping me. I have started a new art project its a present for someone, I hope they will like it.

Hi guys Xx Just checking in. How's everyones week been? Xx 

Mines been odd. Busy at work, busy at home and just a normal (whatever that is January week). Monday was six months since my beautiful mum died. It's feels like yesterday and then also feel like she been gone far to long. If that makes sense. The hearts qaching this week. Xx Sometimes it on the non days, are the hardest. You know when you know they would be filled with a conversation or a text from her. Some times our conversation were  so random. Literally  "hey how you?" "Hey darling fine" "no news" "no news" "love you bye." We did speak about 5 times a day thou . Xx 

I am lucky I have people who care and adore me and am surrounded by love. It's just she was the one person. Who would give me so much comfort. I think ive said this before. But you know a mothers love.  Things tbh no one is that interested in. My mum wanted to know it all. She really listened. Xxx  i knew my mum, inside out and I know, what she wanted for me and she will live on through me and my siblings, and her beautiful grandbabies. So each day I'm working towards a life. She wanted for me. I know she will always be part of me and that unconditional love will never fade. Xxx

Keep warm. You lovely lot. It's freezing xxx 

Hi Sunshine,

Haven't replied on here for a while, so hope you don't mind me butting in....

Same here keeping busy with work and family life trying to keep occupied as much as possible to be honest.

I completely understand your mother wanting to know it all, I so, so miss talking to my mother and her just being interested in what I was saying what ever rubbish I would talk about and she would make me feel so much better for getting things off my chest and into the open.  You just know they would listen because they wanted to not that they had to.  I wish I had realised this more when my mother was alive.

It feels as if time is moving quickly, yet so slowly if that makes sense also, trying to be happy for my mother as she wanted but finding it so hard to see a bright future without her in it. 

Take care Sunshine and it is freezing here also, waiting for the snow to come here at the moment.

xxxx

Sunshine19 - your so right about a mother’s love, I’m still processing what has happened, still can’t quite believe it. As I have said before, the tears flow most days. It sounds as though you have fantastic support, which is great.  Mum and me used to talk about anything, especially politics, I hear something on the television and think, I will have to tell mum that, then realise mum’s not hear, My birthday is in March, first without mum, as with Christmas, going to be tough, but somehow we get through it. Keep warm too, very cold here in the North East xx