Anyone who lost their parent in their early 20’s??

Hi Miss-D and welcome to the community, although sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. You are right in saying that grief affects us all when we lose a loved one, no matter what age we are, but most of us have had the luxury of spending a full life with our parents. For you to lose your Dad at your age must be heartbreaking. It is really nice to know the loving consideration you are showing for your Mum. Hopefully, someone of your age may be along to share with and who understands. Could I suggest you have a look at this site, Hope Again  . It is for young people who have lost a loved one. Run by Cruse Bereavement, a reputable organisation. Wishing you and your family well going forward.

Hi Miss D

I went through a similar situation May 2017,

I was 25 when I lost my dad and he was diagnosed with cancer 12 days before he passed. I know exactly what you mean when you didn't consider spending  a larger portion of you right life with both parents.

It isn't absolutely heart breaking and the hardest thing I've ever had to go through, but things do get easier.

My partner proposed to me over Christmas and I was extremely glad to say yes, but a devastated that my dad would not be here to see it. 

I also hope and pray that my dad will Be in my dreams, I have hadn't a couple and it is extremely comforting to see his face and hear his voice again, just frustrating when you wake up. 

Sending lots of strength your way. Xx

Thank you both Riley and Purplevic for your replies.

Congratulations on your engagement Purplevic, I’ve wondered even before Dad passed away about how I’d feel when I get engaged, he’s just going to miss so many milestones in my life and that’s what I find hardest. Of course there’s nothing more I want then for Dad to be right here with me now but I find what most upsets me is thinking of all the things he’s going to miss as well as thinking about how poorly he was before he passed. I often wonder why I don’t always feel upset but I think I’ve accepted I’d already began the grieving process when Dad was still here x

Hi Miss-D

I can totally relate to this - although I am further on in my journey. I lost my mum just over 18 months ago - I was 22 and she was 54, again there was around 6 months from when she was diagnosed to when she passed away. I had extreme guilt after she passed away and to be quite honest It didn't really hit me until 4 or 5 months later - it was at that stage that I got signed off work and actually felt physical pain along with crippling anxiety. As you said its the milestones that they will miss - to be completely honest - this still breaks my heart even now, my mum wont be there to watch me get married etc and it is such a shame. Cancer is so cruel, I still find that I am very bitter and have a short fuse however over time I am dealing with my grief a lot better than I was this time last year. You will never get over it, but you do learn to live with it. I saw a rainbow on my way to work this morning and had a little smile as that's what my mum told me to look out for before she died.

My advice would be to do what's right for you - if you feel like you want to go and have a laugh and a joke, do it. If you feel like you cant leave the house, that's fine too. Its a long journey and in a sense when you loose a parent at a young age, you have to rebuild yourself without them guiding you, and that is really difficult - I miss my mums guidance a lot, along with her comforting touch when things weren't going right. They never leave you tho, and that's something that's important to remember, they're not there physically but no one can ever take away the memories and the love that you have for them.

Lots of love xox

Hi Alifree,

Thank you for replying I really appreciate it. I have a feeling it’s going to really hit me at some point too. When dad first passed away I felt such a sense of relief. He had been in the hospice for near on 2 weeks and I had stayed with him all day and overnight bar 2 nights. We were told on the Wednesday that he had hours and he didn’t pass until the following Monday so each day we thought “this is going to be it”. I couldn’t bear seeing Dad in awful pain anymore and so when he passed I was just relieved he was no longer in pain. Now I find myself thinking of him a lot but I haven’t experienced that physical pain yet that a lot of people say they feel. Maybe that’s still to come, I’m not sure. It’s almost like I no longer feel complete, like a part of me has been snatched away and then I realise that part of me is Dad

Hi Miss-D

I'm so sorry for your loss. Its the worst thing that can ever happen and its desperately unfair.

I lost my mum a year ago today and was 23 when she was diagnosed. Dealing with it at this early stage in life is horrid and so hard. You're not quite young enough to benefit from the resources and support groups for children and not quite old enough for the wealth of information online which all tends to be aimed at losing parents later in life. A lot of friends and people you know won't understand it and won't always give you the right support but hold onto them because every now and again they say just the right thing and it makes all the difference :)

I want to say that you have every right to feel however you want about this. If you want to be angry then that is right for you. If you want to put on a brave face then that is also right for you. I spent a lot of time trying not to be happy because I felt I shouldn't be whilst then the next day I would telling myself I needed to be strong when all i wanted was a day in my duvet with a big tub of Ben and Jerrys... It didn't help. Finally I listened to myself and just let my natural emotions be in charge and as soon as I did I started to cope with everything a little better. Its fine to change how you feel every day, hour or minute.

You're in such an early stage of all this and it is so hard to navigate so if you get a little lost don't beat yourself up! Concentrate on having your loved ones around you as much as possible and be kind to yourself. Your dad sounds like an amazing guy who loved you so much, just as you loved him.

Look after yourself and apologies for a slightly rambling message

xxxxxx

Hi GinnyAsh91,

Don’t apologise for rambling, I’m grateful for the response! What you’ve said about there not being many resources for people our age is so true! I was struggling to find many people on here my age with similar experiences which is why I did the post and of course basically all of my friends still have both parents so although sympathetic, it’s hard for them to truly understand. I don’t think I’ve completely realised yet that I’m never going to see Dad yet. Sometimes I see something in the shops or hear something funny that I know he would like and for a split second I think “I must tell Dad that when I get home” and then I realise. It’s truly devastating how many people are affected by this evil disease 

Hi Miss-D,

I can totally understand what you are saying. I am in my mid twenties and lost my beautiful mum on Boxing Day. We were so close and she was my best friend. She was only 55 and had been battling breast cancer for 3 years.

I thought it might be nice to chat so I am going to add you if that’s ok?

Thanks. Sending you lots of love xxx

Hi Marie14, I think I’ve accepted? I’m not too sure how it all works as I’ve only had an account on here for like a week. Let me know, would be good to speak x

Hi Miss-D Sorry to hear your sad news it is so hard losing a parent so young hard to believe that they have passed. I lost my dad when I was 22 years old my dad died on his 57th birthday. This was 27 yrs ago but I remember the asking myself  How can my dad not be here anymore? I just could not grasp the idea that he had gone and I would not hear his voice or touch him again. I was 8 months preg at the time and all I could think was that I didn't want the baby I wanted my dad back. I had no-one to talk to and I felt confused and so sad my heart was broken. My brother is a few years older then me and very close to dad and he use to drink and then break down saying he had been down town to my dads local to see if dad was there. I didn't want to be happy and I felt guilt like yourself , my mum coped very well and is still going strong. I lost my brother to lung cancer on the 6th Jan this year aged 53 only 3 days before his Birthday. I am older and I can except that my brother is no longer here but I am more heart broken then when my dad passed. ( maybe its because I could not believe my dad passed). Time is the only healer of your heart Miss-D photos help to remember and talk about your dad its good to talk. 

I understand how you feel and I am sending you a hug from my heart and a shoulder to shed a tear take care x