Anyone who lost their parent in their early 20’s??

Hi Miss D and Marie14

I’m very new to this group and came across your posts. I’m so sorry that you are going through this awful pain. 

 I’m 28 so a little older. My mom passed away in July of last year 3 weeks after being diagnosed.

To cut a very long story short, I live here in England ( I’m originallly from South Africa). My mom went into hospital with a severe stomach ache and a week later she was diagnosed. We didn’t think anything of a stomach ache but on the day she was diagnosed with lymphoma she crashed and was put onto life support. I only got to her the day after she was on life support so we never got to speak again.

I dont have a father or any siblings and but i have been going through very similar feelings.

It’s very hard for people to relate to loss because it wasn’t their parent that they lost so it wasn’t their life that changed. If either of you  would like to chat I’m 6 months down the line to the day but it hasn’t got to the “easier” part yet. 

Hi Miss-D and everyone, 

I was in my mid-20s when Mum was diagnosed and I lost her just under 3 months ago. Not being married or having children yet, I share the pain of knowing all of the things Mum will not see in my future life. The idea she won't be in the lives of my children breaks my heart in two.

I don't know anyone who has lost a parent(s) at my age so nobody really understands and I feel very alone. Even though I am still in the early days, it is already clear that I should not be speaking anymore of 'my grief' which has made me hold it all in. I don't think anyone means badly but just that they literally have no idea what it feels like to be so bereaved . 

There has been discussions on this forum of setting up a specific group for younger people going through this. I think chatting to those who truly understand would be helpful. Especially if you don't have family/friends to travel through the grief with.

Sorry for all of our losses. Big hug.

Hi,

I lost my Dad in May, he was 55 and I 24. So I know how it feels to battle with the thoughts of all the important parts of your life he's going to miss. I too lived at home with him, although my parents were separated so it was just the 2 of us. I miss him everyday. I've been through the guilt of accidentally enjoying something, that's normal I think but really difficult. I'm a few months further down the line than you and still it hurts and there and ups and downs and sometimes you go a few days with it being sort of better and then it gets worse again. But..it is ok and the further down the line I've got the more I've become able to think about the happy memories without crying every time. I can talk about my Dad and keep share all the things I loved about him with people who knew him. One thing I'm learning is that being open with yourself is important and if you feel a certain way one day, that's allowed and sometimes you just have to ride it out. As I say, I'm not that much further down the line than you but if I can answer any questions or anything, let me know. I know how hard it is to be young and have this happen as there are very few people who I am friends with who have any sort of similar experience and it makes me feel quite separate from them. 

It's so new for you, but it'll be ok x

Hi Miss-D,

Sadly I'm in a similar situation to you - I am 23 and lost my Dad six months ago. Its been such a strange emotional journey, very much up and down emotionally pretty much on a daily basis. Unlike you, I dread having dreams about my Dad as I can't bear to have dreams where he is alive and then have to wake up and face reality again. Its really painful knowing he won't be around at all the important times to come, and I'm so gutted that he won't be there if I ever get married. I hope you're doing okay - if you ever want to talk you know where I am!

xx

Hi Miss-D, 

I am so sorry to hear of your loss and know exactly how you feel - I lost my amazing Dad 6 weeks ago (I'm 24 and he was 56). I agree, it's sometimes hard to relate to people who lost parents or family member who were in they 70's/80's. I also find it hard to think of all the milestones he won't be here for - like my sister and I getting married and seeing his grandchildren. It's harder for my sister - she is only 18 and he didn't get to see what she will do with her life. 

But what I always do is think of the things he did get to see and how much joy that bought him. It helps me, and maybe it will help you to do the same. I heard a good saying recently - "It's not the years in your life, it's the life in your years" and it's true. You need to try to hang on to all the lovely memories you have of him, how proud he was and the joy you bought him, rather than dwell on what he won't get to share with you. Sending so much love your way xx

Hi Miss-D

I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad. I was so relieved to have found your post. I am in exactly the same position as you. I’m 23, Recently I lost my Dad to Pancreatic Cancer. Dad got diagnosed in June last year. What you’ve stated is what I’ve been feeling the last week or so, never watch me grow up, never see my children when I have them. 

Dad had just turned 53, it still hasn’t sunk in. I lived with him so that’s what I find the hardest. Still keep thinking he’s just popped out for a bit and he’s about to come in the door any minute. 

Sending hugs

Elle x

Hi Miss D, 

It's been a real comfort to read your post and to relate to so many responses, thank you for starting this thread. It's been a few years now since the post was started so you may not receive this response. I'm 28 now and lost my mam 6 years ago, she was 52. She had Myeloma cancer, as well as kidney failure and suffered a stroke before she passed. Grief comes in waves and I do long to spend time with my lovely mam again. I hope you're doing ok now it's been three years. It's true when people say it 'feels like yesterday'. It's always great to be able to speak about the people we've loved and lost. It doesn't always feel real and the dreams can be bittersweet. It's always a joy to dream about her and worth the pang of sadness one hundred times over the next morning. I hope you're able to laugh, be blissfully happy and continue to smile when thinking back to your dad. Take care over this strange Christmas period. x

I'm in a very similar position, I lost my mother yesterday and I'm only 20, likewise my mother was only 58 so should have had so much more time ahead of her and that's why it seems impossible to ever come to terms with it because I almost can't accept it cause it just shouldn't have happened. I'm really not  coping well, I'm afraid to sleep in all honesty because the mental images I'm left with aren't pleasant and I'm also a university student wondering how I'm going to be able to manage my grief alongside my degree.