Well. I hardly come on this site now, I don't really know why, I just tried to keep busy busy busy and not have to face the awful reality. They say don't do anything major in the first year, well, I have sold the cars, sold the house and got two new cats and a new dog and been on two holidays. In the first seven months. I don'regret any ofthe above but they ultimately have not helped. since the six month mark,I have been…
Every day is bad but Sunday is the worst. This was our special day, and being alone hits doubly hard. In the early days we would play tennis in the morning and then go to a pub with friends, once we retired it became a long dog walk in the morning, leisurely breakfast with the papers, gin and tonic with chilli puffs and beef jerky and a special dinner that we had chosen together. Then a quiet evening finishing the bottle…
Today it is one month since Pete died. It has been the longest and foulest month of my life. I exist, no more. I get up, walk the dogs, try to eat, shower, drink too much, and go back to bed to lie awake most of the night. There is nothing more than that, no happiness, no enjoyment, no interest in anything. The only feelings are bad ones, sadness and misery. The reality of loss keeps hitting me. Over and over again,…
Today has been the worst since Pete died. It is 5 weeks ago today that he left home in the ambulance. The funeral was 4 days ago. I don't know why but today I woke at 4am, feeling intensely sad. I could not get back to sleep, and I have kept that feeling all day, incredibly sad about everything. The life that Pete has been cheated out of. The loss of our future. The fact that I will grow old without him. He was 8 years…
I have never been someone who reads self-help books or who goes in for counselling or support groups. I have never felt the need for any of it, but now I find myself reaching out desperately for comfort and support in all directions. I read a bereavement book last night, and although I found a lot of it fairly ridiculous, there were a couple of points which I found worthy of further consideration.
1. When I cry,…
