Made it.... Made it.... Made it... Got to 50 and then the year anniversary of diagnosis...
Lucky, lucky me.... So why do I not feel full of glee...
So very long staying positive, determined and strong...
So very many hospital appointments smiling and even having a giggle...
So much humour and kindness to give...
So little time to feel the enormity and move through the trauma....
The all consuming Chemo over and done with…
December 23rd, not even 4 months ago, though at times it feels like 4 years or 4 days depending on the fluctuation of mood.
Decisions, decisions.... December 23rd.... Informed will be having a Mastectomy after treatments..
Re-construction or not ?
Re-construct ! Re-construct ! Re-construct.. !!!!
No need to think, great so you chop it off, then build it back again..
Simple, no quandaries, no angst deciding...
DD one side…
Drip, drip, dripping, drip, drip... what no more dripping, faulty, remove the bottle, toss in bin....
Clamps, attach new bottle.... Drip, drip, dripping, drip, drip.... phew all ok again...
A week of carrying that bag with the bottle of straw and red mingled fluid draining from the chasm that was my breast...
60ml, 60ml, 54ml, 48ml, 40ml, 36ml, 30ml, back to clinic, remove the drain...
Aaah, now I feel I can begin to heal…
Oh the daft, silly and trivial places my troubled mind can travel with insignificant worries pre op.
Not the reasonable, logical worries that aren't actually realistic but a significant few have,
such as:
Will I awake whilst the surgeon is a slicing....
Will they become distracted answering the ultimate question "This is the right breast, right ?" not noticing the pointing finger to the Left breast and simply replying…
I am one of those people who has to look away when accident scenes, hospital scenes or just general injuries are shown on TV...
And No
I Never
Look through my fingers...
Have my eyes open just a little...
Or have a sneaky peak...
Can't do it, cannot be dealing with it, just let me know when its over, please..
Even with my kids and there numerous incidents over the years... Of course I'd.... Do the right thing... …
