Made it.... Made it.... Made it... Got to 50 and then the year anniversary of diagnosis...
Lucky, lucky me.... So why do I not feel full of glee...
So very long staying positive, determined and strong...
So very many hospital appointments smiling and even having a giggle...
So much humour and kindness to give...
So little time to feel the enormity and move through the trauma....
The all consuming Chemo over and done with, hardest part over you'd think...
Ha, fooled ya, the worst is to come...
There's time now to fall down, feel low, look at the negatives magnified with a years denial...
Time for the crazy imagination to overflow:
Convince yaself this is your last Christmas...
Convince yaself its still there...
Convince yaself its gonna return with a vengeance...
Convince yaself you won't notice the symptoms 'til its to late..
Oh yes I can reason and see the reality with clarity,
But still I have to battle with paranoia.
Herceptin injections every 3 weeks don't lessen the fear..
Tamoxifen nightly doesn't reassure..
I'm a walking time bomb that only myself can diffuse and remove...
Time to move on, definitely time to move on, have to move on...
