December 23rd, not even 4 months ago, though at times it feels like 4 years or 4 days depending on the fluctuation of mood.
Decisions, decisions.... December 23rd.... Informed will be having a Mastectomy after treatments..
Re-construction or not ?
Re-construct ! Re-construct ! Re-construct.. !!!!
No need to think, great so you chop it off, then build it back again..
Simple, no quandaries, no angst deciding...
DD one side and Zilch tother... No Thank You..
But, of course, simplicity can have transient complications..
My faulty body that has so many physical long term faults interferes..
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear....
Buggered lumbar discs, sciatica both legs..
All the cervical spine totally screwed, its even bending the wrong way...
I'm so sorry, but its far to risky and dangerous..
We won't be offering you the wonderful perfect breast replacement and tummy tuck..
Your body could cope with the silicon implant,
May have to lose the DD, slightly smaller both sides...
Yes please I'll take that..
Phew....Still two breasts...
Smiling again...
I did say complications with an S
Oncology, blood pressure 200 to 220 systolic / 110 to 120 diastolic
Hmmmm... A and E or your GP immediately please...
Change of plan, now Chemo and Herceptin far to risky and dangerous..
Cardiology and back to breast surgeon.
Conclusion only the Mastectomy is safe for now...
So, breast off, no replacement, DD one side Zilch tother...
Frigg, frigg, frigg, time to get my head around this new adventure.
Ok.... so re-construction much later please.
More complications, this time post surgery wound and skin,
Nasty, not nice and uurgghhh..
So, as time goes on...
I'm kinda liking the new me, well maybe that's a little strong..
My lovely oncologist, moisturise, moisturise, moisturise
Yes I am. Massage, massage, massage...
Well, umm, err...
Jesus, I've only just adapted to being able to look at my non breast..
Thought I was doing well being able to touch and apply the moisturiser..
Massage, like tenderly, lovingly fondle and massage that weird hard, numb area,
The interloper that replaced my beautiful, bountiful breast that nurtured my babies,
You mean I have to learn to love and nurture ... IT...
More complications... Back to cardiologist..
Delays, delays, maybe not possible to have Herceptin and Chemo..
Oncologist angry...ish... 'So sorry its not you I'm angry with, its your blood pressure'
Now that's scary, talk about looking at your own mortality face on...
Meanwhile I am embracing my beautiful Zilch,
We have plans Zilch and I, a long healthy life together,
I will not be replacing Zilch, why would I put my self through more traumatic surgery.
Shopping in Camden with my daughter found the perfect clothes for Zilch.
Zilch does not like bras, and is very, very shy, she does not like to be seen.
Mens waistcoasts, perfect, unless you look really, really close you will not see Zilch at all.
My saintly sister already introduced me to bodywarmers, perfect camouflage.
Next week I will be getting a prosthetic addition, so, on special occasions
I will return to being a Double D momentarily...
I have grand future plans of a tattoo for Zilch,
3 birds on a branch, I think, representing
Myself and my very beautiful teenage twins.
Back to oncologist.... Hurraahhh...
They can give me the drugs..
Yippee, so glad I can have months of heavy duty treatment..
