You know, the one everyone talks about!
The one that any one of us could be hit by!
That bus that some how is meant to make a Cancer diagnosis, easier to deal with!
You know the bus that could hit me tomorrow, whereas I could live with Secondary Cancer for Years!
That bus that could kill any of us without warning!
SCARY thought? Actually no!
You see if I were to be hit by a bus, I would know very little about it! I would…
Somrtimes I feel..........
LONELY........ In a room full of people!
SAD........... when everyone around me is happy!
SCARED........ that things will never be good again!
WORRIED........ that this is as good as it gets!
FRUSTRATED...... because no one is listening to me!
ANNOYED.......... because no one understands!
HAPPY........... that I am still here!
APPRECIATIVE...... of the friends I have made!
ANGRY.......... for…
Well that's it really. For the last few years I have been on one long guilt trip! Always feeling guilty about what I am thinking or how I am feeling, but why? More importantly am I the only one who feels like this. Well no I am not as I have spoken to people online and in the real world and the whole guilt thing seems to be something that so many of us go through!
Now how do I explain this, well of course I will do…
Seriously does this rollercoaster of emotions ever stop! Just as I think I have got it under control, i realise that's a long way off! In fact I'm starting to think that being very emotional is part and parcel of this disease! Yet another gift from the Cancer! It's so generous of you Cancer, but please no more gifts, you have given me more than enough!!
Yesterday I was hit head on with a huge dose of reality…
So that's what rock bottom feels like!
It came from knowhere, like a bolt out of the blue! One minute I was plodding along quite happily with the usual ups and downs, when BAM, suddenly I was in the bottom of a big dark hole and however hard I tried I couldn't get out! I tried so hard to see the light, to find that way out but it just wasn't there! For the first time in this entire journey I felt completely alone…
