I'd hoped if I slept on it I might be a little less crazy but erm apparently not! I am somewhat proud of myself for being able to talk myself out of a panic attack before it took over (and anyone at work could notice) but I am still no less convinced of new and scary lumps and bumps on my body. Little red dots that I've had for years are now getting an eagle-eyed inspection and the lump in my neck which I'm now 5% sure…
My god I'm a misery today. My poor fiancé went out without me in the end because I just couldn't shake that nagging feeling behind the eyes that the tears might start. I wanted to be left alone to wallow if I'm being honest with myself but it didn't achieve anything. I've ignored all the calls to my phone today and I've had to stop myself reading the threads of others here who are fighting a far bigger battle and are…
According to my haematologist B Cell lymphomas on the skin look like little strawberries, so I guess that means I'm now a human strawberry plant? I wanted to come back as a penguin or a cat in my next life but in this i am basically the world's most useless superhero. Even Aquaman is more impressive than a ginger growing strawberries. What can you use this super power for? Oh yes, I can save the poor strawberry-less people…
The last 48 hours have been both elating and gutting. This time yesterday morning I was sat with a lovely friend snotting for England because I was finally getting to grips with the fact that it's my cancer and I'll cry if I want to. Admittedly a lot of the tears were yet again bought on by guilt. I had read the specific book for the type of lymphoma I have on the lymphoma website and thanks to its wonderful news that…
So this evening I finally had a decent "it's not fair" flood of tears and despair moment...and it was only a little bit because I realised in all the tests and worry this week that I'd forgotten we were supposed to go see Derren Brown, thought it was tonight, got halfway out the door and realised it was actually on Monday. To be honest the devastated look on my lovely fiancés face was enough to make the toughest…
