According to my haematologist B Cell lymphomas on the skin look like little strawberries, so I guess that means I'm now a human strawberry plant? I wanted to come back as a penguin or a cat in my next life but in this i am basically the world's most useless superhero. Even Aquaman is more impressive than a ginger growing strawberries. What can you use this super power for? Oh yes, I can save the poor strawberry-less people at Wimbledon. What a super hero! I can save exactly zero people...good for me.
Personally I am not sure they do look like strawberries but i suppose it is a sweet idea. Slightly put off with the news they can grow on your face since I might wind up looking like a rhinoceros. I'm continuing to stare intently at the various lumps and bumps on my body but I'm pretty sure we're still at 4 which is somewhat of a relief.
We had a quiet, relaxed day for my fiancé's birthday and we had a relatively cancer chat free day which was fab. I'd like to say that since yesterday I have magically dealt with all the uncertainty left over from the news that there are no tumours lurking beneath the surface that I can't see, but it may take a little longer. Is it weird that I feel a both very fortunate and very guilty for catching it when it's only skin deep? It's probably counterproductive if nothing else. Cancer so far has been like riding the sickest roller coaster. Sure you get the dodgy photo momento too but it's mainly of your insides and they don't give you the opportunity to put your arms in the air and make a silly face.
The positive news means I'm no longer in any rush to share the news with anyone else. I know it isn't over and maybe it never won't be if I'm making a lifetime commitment to haematology (I haven't even made that made that much commitment to my partner yet) but the urgency of the fear is subsiding which is helpful. I'm getting ahead of myself but I do have a tendancy to plan when I'm stressed. The lesson? Scare me enough and I'll get anything done! Might not share that one though.
We're out with friends tonight to celebrate the birthday so hopefully it'll be another step in the right direction. I've dyed my hair in celebration of the fact I almost definitely won't be losing it anytime soon.
