Well I am home after a couple of days and nights in the Marsden with the latest in fashion accessories, the naso-gastric tube. Plus bags and bags of tubes, syringes, bottles of feed and a monitor complete with aluminium stand. I will be tubed up for 12 out of the 24 hours a day. I can no longer swallow at all so it is the only way I can get nutrition at the moment. The tube is not painful but irritating. Still I will…
Alone all day. Best that way as I am not great company at the moment. I am so angry with my brother and with my friends ho have been notable only by their absence since my diagnosis. I guess that is what happens when the group clown stops laughing. I miss Harvey so much. His face always cheered me up. I am not sure I can fight this battle alone and I am most definitely alone. If I needed to be in company right now there…
3 weeks to gain approx. a stone in weight. The drinks are revolting but at least they are easy to swallow. Also eating yogurts, ice-cream , soup and porridge.
They say the chemo and radiation will be gruelling and I must be as fit as possible when I start. I hope to avoid an operation but that plan may be subject to change.
All my old anorectic fears of weight gain rear their ugly head but I tell myself it is a choice…
The scans were quite positive. The cancer remains localised. Radiation and chemo are the planned treatment at present. However, I must improve my fitness first. I am a little underweight so for 3 or 4 weeks a high calorie diet is in order. The drinks are revolting but go down quite easily. I am relieved to be told surgery hopefully will not be necessary but have been warned that this plan could be subject to change. This…
Today I have scans and get results on wednesday. The uncertainty weighs heavy.
People keep telling me it will be ok and I will beat this thing but, I don't believe it. I seemed resigned to the worst case scenario.
Most of my adult life I have foughrt anorexia nervosa and I was beginning to really feel it was behind me and now this comes along and I simply don't have the energy for another battle with a deadly disease…
