Last week we published the ‘why do I feel so guilty?’ blog exploring why we may feel guilty when living with, or being affected by cancer. Today we are talking about embarrassment because it’s often a feeling many people experience when it comes to talking about your body.
On the Online Community, we often see members posting about how embarrassed they feel to talk about parts of their body with friends, family and medical professionals. Embarrassment shouldn’t hold you back from getting the support you need so in this blog we’re sharing some of the discussions from our Community groups to help break down the barriers and the blushes of feeling embarrassed when being affected by cancer.
Embarrassment is described as a feeling of shame, awkwardness, and becoming self-conscious about something. Talking about your bowel habits and private parts shouldn't be a taboo subjects as they are all natural parts and functions of the body. The Community is an embarrassment free zone as it’s a space for you to talk about things that are concerning you.
“I’m so glad you found your way HERE to vent. I'm really grateful for this space too. It's such a huge relief to be able to share the real and sometimes hinky details with people who get it and don't recoil in horror or embarrassment.”
Community member, Anal cancer forum
“I want to thank everyone that helped me… It was just so helpful with everyone's comments. It is great to know you are not alone - and the fact others had the same problem enabled me to realise I was not being stupid, so it immediately took away the embarrassment bit of the problem”
Community member, Head and neck cancer forum
“This is a great group for support. You can ask any question without any embarrassment as it will have been asked before.”
Community member, Anal cancer forum
Having a place like the Community can help reduce the feeling of embarrassment as there probably isn’t a topic of conversation we haven’t seen before and it’s also a safe and anonymous space for you to talk openly. Having support from family and friends is great but it may not always be comfortable to talk to them about the signs and side effects of cancer.
"Please all new people and even people who pop in and out, ask us anything. We have been through it all. Nothing can shock or embarrass us. We have walked that mile in your shoes and one of us will have had whatever it is you going through so please, however embarrassed or reticent you feel… just ask!"
Community member, Anal cancer forum
“I have a stigmatised cancer-cervical- and although I obviously talk about it within the community I don’t do so elsewhere. I did tell a couple of friends at my initial diagnosis, and yes, got the judgment, so I keep quiet now-I don’t need to be judged for something that I was unlucky to get.
Having a cancer which is tied up with sex is very difficult. I don’t want to keep quiet as I have plenty to say, but I still haven’t found my voice outside of here to correct all of the inaccuracies I see and hear about this cancer, because although it’s so linked to sex and intimate parts of the body.”
Community member, Cancer chat forum
“I’m out the other side now, though I still have the occasional caught short moment. It doesn’t bother me in the least anymore, whereas before the thought of having an accident or showing my bits to radiologists or wearing some Tena lady pants or sitting on my bed mats or discussing anything bottomley, would have made me keel over with embarrassment… It’s so fantastic to have others on here in the same boat. I think it has helped me more than I can ever say. Immense thanks to all the people on here and to all those who are years past their treatment and are on here every day helping others. Thank you!!!!!”
Community member, Anal cancer forum
How to overcome embarrassment
Talking about intimate parts of your body, poo and other bodily functions with anyone can feel embarrassing, and often an uncomfortable topic of conversation. This embarrassment may lead to missed cancer screening appointments and not wanting to access cancer treatment or ask for help. Although we are told medical professionals and your healthcare team have seen it all before, it’s natural to not want to talk about things that make you feel self-conscious or awkward. You are not alone if you feel this way.
“I’m told not to worry as nobody knows what’s happening to you but I do know and it’s the embarrassment and humiliation that gets me. It’s just relentless isn’t it?”
Community member, Bowel (colon and rectal) cancer forum
Going to your appointments with prepared questions is often what members of the Community find useful. We see this being said in our discussion threads often and it is a good tip to try if you feel awkward talking to your healthcare team about your concerns.
“I would start by making a list of questions and then either telephone your oncology nurse or oncologist’s secretary and ask your questions. If you have an appointment soon, then ask your questions then. My team are extremely helpful and take the time to answer all my questions and believe me there are many.”
Community member, Vaginal cancer forum
“With regards to what questions to ask, I have found it useful to make notes on the kinds of things that I want to ask when I think of them. Then I make a list before my appointment so that I don't forget any of them. I guess questions are different for different people, but for me, I wanted to know how often my check ups would be and who I should contact if I had any concerns- eg any new symptoms.... I think the thing to remember is that there's no such thing as a silly question. If you would like to know the answer then its an important question.
Community member, Vulva cancer forum
Further support and information resources
Alongside talking to members in our Community groups, there’s lots of information and resources available to help you with coping with your emotions. The Macmillan website has some useful information about cancer and your emotions, with further support guidance about signs, symptoms and cancer treatment options.
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There's lots of support to be had by connecting with others who share a similar experience. Why not share what is worrying you by posting in our Community groups. There's no judgment here and remember, the Community is an embarrassment free zone.
