A family member’s or a friend’s diagnosis can have a huge impact on your life. It’s natural to want to find support for yourself while you’re supporting a loved one with cancer. Here in the Community, we have lots of different groups where you can chat to people who may have a similar cancer diagnosis to your family member. These are all safe spaces to ask questions and find support. However, sometimes it can be really helpful to be able to talk to other people who can understand how you feel as a friend or relative. That’s why we also have our “Family and friends” group. In the Community News blog today, we’re going to feature some recent discussions from the group and show you what members have been talking about recently. Remember you can click the links underneath each post to go to the discussion. Why not get involved in a conversation?
“Sometimes the best we can do is just keep talking.”
Community member, ‘Family and friends’ group
If you’re new to the Community and you have a family member or friend who has been diagnosed with cancer, you might find it really helpful to talk. You can join the “Family and friends” group by clicking “Join” under “Group tools” when you’re on the main page for a group. You can then write a new post by clicking “+New” or “+” next to the group title. You can also click on other members’ discussions by scrolling down on the main page, and click “reply” underneath other posts to join the conversation. The group is also here if you would just like to read through posts and find support.
Lots of members have been talking lately about supporting their parents with cancer. It’s understandable to feel lots of different emotions when a parent has been diagnosed with cancer.
“My mum has just been diagnosed with Myelofibrosis and I feel like I’m already grieving. I have a knot in my chest constantly - even though, I’m walking round and smiling - I feel numb!!”
Community member, ‘Family and friends’ group
Lots of members in the group talk about keeping their true feelings hidden or needing to stay strong for a family member. It can sometimes be difficult to talk to family and friends about how you really feel. Our members in the “Family and friends” group may really understand what you’re going through.
It can sometimes to be tough to talk about feeling that you are already grieving your loved one. Here on the Online Community, lots of people talk about feeling this way. If you feel you would like more support around this feeling, we have further support on Community News alongside the “Family and friends” group. You can read our blog on coping with anticipatory grief here.
Another feeling members have been talking about is feeling guilty.
“My dad has cancer and is receiving palliative care…I’m an adult and live several hours from my father, but visit regularly and am in regular contact…Whenever I think about my dad or try to speak about him, I cant not cry. I am now wondering if this is a result of my worries about my dad. but I keep going back in forth in my mind feeling guilty for not being productive and that I should just be able to get on with it. I guess I am asking, has anyone experienced these sorts of feelings?”
Community member, ‘Family and friends’ group
When a loved one is diagnosed with cancer, you may be feeling you need to act or feel a certain way. You may feel you are supposed to be carer, but this isn’t always possible for everyone. Or you might be a carer, and feel worried about the impact on your own work and home life. The “Family and friends” group on the Online Community is here to reassure you that you’re not on your own.
If you feel you loved one needs more help at home or you need further support as a carer, we have lots of information and support on Macmillan’s website. Please also remember that if you need advice and support, you can also call Macmillan’s Support Line. Our teams are available on the Support Line over email, live webchat or by calling 0808 808 00 00 7 days a week between 8am-8pm. Our Support Line teams can offer emotional support and practical support.
It’s not always easy to get the information you may feel you need. It can be difficult to not know what’s going on when your family member or friend has a cancer diagnosis. Members in the “Family and friends” group have been talking about the difficulties of supporting a loved one through cancer treatment, when they don’t have all the information.
“All I get is 3rd hand information from my parents and I am unsure that they even understand what they are being told…we don’t know next steps until the scan results come back. I am so confused with all this 3rd hand information.”
Community member, ‘Family and friends’ group
You may be feeling worried about whether your loved one is accessing the right help, or whether they understand their diagnosis and treatment decisions.
The NHS website has information on how you can speak about a friend or relative's health with their GP. Please just keep in mind that without your loved one’s consent, you can raise concerns but the GP will not be able to discuss any details.
“The op has been cancelled days before it was due to take place after a pet scan. Obsessing over what this means. I know we can’t just guess but we’ve been told nothing. It feels hard to breathe (don’t mean to sound selfish). How do you trust healthcare professionals when you’ve been let down so tremendously?”
Community member, ‘Family and friends’ group
Knowing how best to support your loved one and ensure they’re getting the right help can be difficult. It can help to talk about your experiences. The “Family and friends” group is here to offer you comfort and support.
Did you know that here in Community News, we have a section which is dedicated to content about being a family member, friend or carer of someone who has been diagnosed with cancer? Take a look at our “Supporting someone with cancer” page where you can find lots of further blogs with tips and support.
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Find support in groups across the Online Community:
