Is it normal to feel like this when my dad has cancer?

Hi there, I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my dad a few months ago and can completely relate to what you’re describing. When my dad got his diagnosis, the problems at work all felt so futile and pointless. When people spoke to me about minor issues they wanted me to resolve I felt like telling them to get some perspective, my mind was so foggy and I was just not with it at all.

My best advice would be to be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. You’re going through something awful and you don’t need to be with your dad day-to-day to be affected by what’s happening.

Have you spoken with your line manager or a trusted colleague about how you’re feeling? 

Thank you for replying. So sorry to hear about your dad :-( yes my manager is really supportive and she is aware, she has said to look after myself and take time if I need it. I just feel guilty being unproductive but I guess I need to respect that that’s my mind/body’s way of dealing with it and as you say, be kind to myself. Work suggested counselling through the EAP which I’m going to start soon, maybe that will help to be able to talk  all through 

This is exactly how I am currently feeling, I get frustrated at work when others talk about things I believe are minor even though I know everyones issues are all relative and valid but I get angered chatting with others because I am facing losing my dad. 

Its such a difficult time and my mind goes through so many throughts in the space of a day. 

Thank you <3 I’ve been meaning to call my work’s EAP so that’s a great idea. I can so relate to the feelings of guilt over work. I had a rotten night last night and took today as a mental health day, I really needed it but still felt strangely guilty. I think we’ve just got to keep telling ourselves that if one of our colleagues was going through this we wouldn’t think twice about giving them the time and space they need.

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this too. I tried to compartmentalise work when my dad was dying which helped to an extent but as you say, I just wanted to tell people off for whining about their trivial issues (annoying meetings, tight deadlines etc). Now I’m a few months down this rotten track I can say it’s not a permanent feeling and now work is actually often quite beneficial for giving me structure, routine etc. 

Definitely do it! I have my first counselling session this week and it was already really beneficial. I also a mental health day last week, I felt guilty initially but I felt so much better to focus on myself not work and feel much more refreshed this week. That’s exactly what I do - I wouldn’t judge or be annoyed at a colleague, and in fact some of my colleagues have taken sick or extended sick because of family members illness so I know it’s “ok” to do! 

Its good to know it isn't a permanent feeling, I feel like I come to work and do the bare minimum because thats all my brain can cope with but it is frustrating because I'm not that kind of person. I am usually someone who goes well above and beyond and put my all into work but I just don't have the mental capacity to do that at the moment. Thankfully my team are very understanding!

My inbox is always open if you need a chat. 

I’m the same currently, just the bare minimum, no capacity to go above and beyond. But j think this is ok! And if your manager knows what you’re going through then at least there’s hopefully an understanding around it 

Hi, your feelings are perfectly normal and totally understandable. My Dad has cancer too, and I’m finding it hard to deal with. Being tired, tetchy with those around me, unintentionally, and angry that such a beautiful man and central part of my life is being attacked by this disease, while people who seek pleasure in other’s pain and demise appear to be carrying on scot free. 

Hi, so sorry about your father. I'm currently very new to this, my mum has only just been diagnosed and not yet started treatment, but I already feel like I don't have the capacity to deal with other people's problems - I previously enjoyed helping friends in need or distress. I'm not working at the moment but I'm sure if I were I would also be frustrated by the trivialities of work issues. Best wishes to you and your father